


American Boy

by breatherepeat



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3768559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatherepeat/pseuds/breatherepeat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron's mental health continues to spiral out of control and, through the help of a new friend, Aaron begins to piece together why he continues to punish himself through poor choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rubbing his hands against his thighs in a slow rhythm, Aaron’s eyes shifted across the crowded pub. A full pint sat in front of him untouched. When he hobbled down from his room, his mum laid down the glass and gave him a sad smile before he could tell her he didn’t want anything. She then walked away quickly before he could protest the unwanted drink.

It was mid-afternoon on Saturday and all the usual characters were present. The general hum of everyone’s conversations blended together, but Aaron could pick up bits and pieces.

In a table across from the bar, Debbie was arguing with Pete in a sharp tone everyone around them pretended not to hear while they soaked in every word.

Ross, slouched back in his chair two tables over, was blatantly ignoring his mum’s words as she waffled on about James. Half his attention focused on Debbie and his brother and the other half focused on pretending to not give a fuck.

Moira’s hand was on Cain’s arm as their conversation became more and more intense. The two, unlike the younger couple making a somewhat public display, had recently made nice and were enjoying the honeymoon side of the relationship again.

Vic was at the bar fussing over her dish for the evening, feeding Adam a sample from her fork. Adam was leaning over the pub counter with a stupid grin on his face and singing her praises; however, the smile didn’t hide the guilt in his eyes. How the ever-perceptive Vic didn’t pick on the overly cheery behavior her ex-fiancé was projecting was beyond Aaron’s mental capacity at the moment.

His thoughts were on Katie. Her lifeless body lying in the dirt and the cold at Wylie’s Farm, her dead eyes forever following him wherever he went. Aaron felt the uneasiness rush through his body, making him feel hot and cold all at once. Looking at his wrapped ankle, he dug his fingernails into his thighs as his hands continued back and forth against his legs. He couldn’t get any release with his ankle the way it was. Prat Robert and his "happy families" wife. Maybe if he told him she was coming back before he laid him down on the kitchen floor and whispered he loved him into his ear as he pushed inside him. Maybe if he wasn’t such a fucking lying, greedy little muppet. Kissing him and running off to be loving husband. Maybe if he texted and said he needed to cancel. Maybe if the dirty, waste of air, cheat Lurch wasn’t at the wrong place at the wrong time and didn’t say the wrong thing in front of the whole pub while Robert and the happy wife and everyone stared on.

James told him to admit what he had done and that he was a coward. He remembered feeling everyone's eyes on them even more and then it was all a blur of adrenaline. It felt good in the three seconds it took for the bottle to make contact and smash against his boorish head. And the sweet rush of chemicals in his head and the two seconds where he could breathe again.

And then nothing.

And the nothing brought back the thoughts. The thoughts he confessed to Robert and Paddy. His role in her death and his lies and actions that made it look like an accident so Robert could go and marry the poor, stupid cow. The poor, stupid cow who didn’t know her prince charming was more than charming a bloke behind her back.

Realizing he needed to stop before someone noticed his odd behavior, Aaron grabbed his crutches and went behind the bar and into the back area. He couldn’t stand the hum of voices anymore.

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Aaron turned again and shuffled his way out the back door. He couldn’t stand the silence of his room anymore either. He couldn’t stand the sameness. The nothingness. Everything was different yet everything remained the same.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The bus was unusually quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Besides himself, there were only two other people traveling into town. One, a sweet looking girl around Belle's age and the other, a man with greyish brown hair that appeared to be her father. The girl had a bright smile on her face as she looked out the rain covered window and the man had a soft grin on his face as he watched his daughter. They looked happy and healthy. A loving father taking his loving daughter into town on a cloudy day. Maybe to take in a picture until the rainy weather blew passed.

Belle, sweet little messed up Belle. He supposed it was her birthright. Every Dingle had their something. Belle, much like himself, appeared to have the defective mental gene. Self-loathing and dangerous mainly to themselves. Bad luck followed a Dingle around like a teenage lad trying to pull a bird.

Trailing slowly down the steps behind the girl and her father, Aaron cursed his crutches. They were awkward and annoying and always in the damn way. Biting his lip, Aaron stopped himself from complaining. At least he could walk and move about on his own free will.

Jackson.

He tried not to think of him. Even after all these years, it still hurt to think of what might have been if he could have just told him he loved him. Three little words and Jackson wouldn't have drove off. Three little words and he wouldn't have ended up a shell of his former self. Three little words and he wouldn't of had to poison himself to get peace. Three little words and Aaron wouldn't have his death haunting him.

Which is ironic because maybe if he didn't feel and say those three words to Robert than maybe Katie would still be planning her future with Andy.

Instead she haunted him in the same way Jackson did. He might not have put the poison to her lips like he did with Jackson, but his affair and greed led to her death. He wiped away the evidence of Robert and himself from being there but he could never wipe away her eyes from his head.

Katie.

Jackson.

Robert.

It was too much. The thoughts and the guilt swirled around in his head giving him a constant headache. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. He couldn't breathe.

His right crutch caught on an uneven patch of the pavement and he went down hard in front of a shop. Falling onto his hands and knees, his ankle bounced off the pavement hard and he yelped out in pain. For a second, his mind cleared and he could focus on the pain. Lying on the damp ground, Aaron took a deep breath and closed his eyes tight. Feeling the rush calm his nerves, Aaron purposely pushed his ankle down to the ground to feel it again.

"Whoa, no need to attack the sidewalk." An American voice spoke as Aaron felt strong hands wrap around his upper arms and attempt to lift him. "I'm sure it means you no harm."

"Sod off!" Aaron used his upper body to pushed the hands off him as he maneuvered himself upright. Balancing on one foot and one crutch, Aaron attempted to get his breathing back under control as the brown-haired stranger stared at him with a concerned look on his face.

The man was fit. Wavy brown hair and dark blue eyes. A few centimeters taller than Aaron and appearing to be around his age.

"You are welcome." The man half laughed as he reached for the now broken crutch still lying on the pavement. "This has seen better days."

Stumbling as he reached for the broken crutch, Aaron glared as the man moved backwards just before Aaron made contact with the crutch.

"Seriously, you can't use this anymore." The American turned his body so he was closer to Aaron and facing the same direction. Holding up his forearm, the blue-eyed man spoke in a gentle tone. "Lean on me and I will help you to the bench over there in front of the coffee shop."

"I never asked for your help." Aaron huffed as he reached for his crutch again. He didn't like strange people touching him. He barely liked people he knew touching him. Especially now when his head was so messed up and his own body felt like it didn't belong to him anymore.

"Just because you don't ask for it doesn't mean you don't need it. Now shut up and let me do this." Raising his forearm again, the man waited a full minute until Aaron sighed and allowed the man to guide him over to the bench.

"There, it didn't kill you, now did it?" The man smirked as he sat down next to Aaron on the wide bench. Much to his credit, he didn't wait to get an answer and introduced himself. "My name is Topher. Well, Christopher if I'm in trouble or you are my probation officer. Gopher if you went to my middle school and think you are funny."

"You're American." Aaron brush some wet dirt off his jacket and his knees. The ache in his ankle was still there and his head was throbbing with the blood still rushing thought it. His breathing had calmed down a bit and the thoughts were pushed back as he shifted his head to quickly look at Topher and then away again. "Aaron."

"Nice to meet you, Aaron." Topher said in a genuine tone. Handing over the crutch, Topher sighed. "Hope you didn't plan on going too far."

"Figured I would go to a pub. A different pub. I was in a pub and I just couldn't be there anymore." Aaron pushed the two broken pieces back together and watched them fall back apart as he rambled. "But now, I don't know."

"I don't have a car. Or a license. Well, not a license for here. I have one for Illinois. Otherwise I could drive you somewhere. Maybe, I don't know if this whole driving thing is going to work for me here. I've been here for seventeen days and still cannot get my head around it." As he spoke, his hands became more and more animated. Realizing he was spazzing, Topher placed his hands under his thighs and focused on staying still. "Sorry, my therapist said I was likely heading for a mania episode before I left. Or rather, before my parents put me on a plane and washed their hands of me."

"Therapist?" Aaron closed his eyes and titled his head back.

"Court-ordered. Lack of impulse control led to shoplifting. Thrill of shoplifting led to attempting to steal bigger and bigger objects. I got caught stealing $700 worth of electronics from a chain store. Put on probation." Topher took a breath and continued. "Father said I needed more goals in life and mother said I needed more Jesus in my life. So I stole a car with a kid named Jesus and fucked him in the backseat. Cops caught us with our pants down, literally, and I was put in juvie. Released on the condition I complete at least ten counseling sessions to figure out why I continue to make bad choices. Therapist gave me some tests and diagnosed Mood Disorder NOS. It is kinda like a starter diagnosis for Bipolar. Parents attempted to medicate me. I decided selling the medication would be a better option. It wasn't. Turns out there is no blackmarket for Abilify. Parents found out and decided to send me here rather than tell the cops. I'm nineteen now so it wouldn't be juvie anymore." 

"Why are you telling me all this?" Aaron opened his eyes and looked over at Topher. Topher was rocking back and forth slightly as he stared up at the clouds attempting to break up in the sky.

"Don't know." Topher stopped his movement and looked over to Aaron. "Maybe because it looks like your day is sucking too."

Nodding his head slightly as Aaron thought over all that Topher told him, Aaron asked, "Why here?"

"My dad has a cousin here. Well, not here but close to here. They figured I needed to get away from old temptations and what better way to do that than fly halfway around the world." Topher shifted his weight around and folded his arms across his chest. "I didn't have any better offers so I took the three connecting flights and had the taxi drop me off here. I don't know these people my parents are sending me too. I figured I should make the best of it before I'm under their watchful eyes. Plus, I make bad decisions so completing odd jobs for some spare change to pay for room and board sounded like a good idea at the time."

"And now?" Aaron placed the broken crutch down next to himself on the bench. He didn't know why he asked. The kid had a way of distracting Aaron from his own thoughts.

"Now, I guess, I go pack up my things and take a taxi to Emmerdale." Topher let out a long sigh and then turned his attention to Aaron. Motioning down to the broken crutch, Topher asked, "What are we going to do about you?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Oi, look at the state of ya!" Chas set down the empty glasses in her hand at a random occupied table and rushed over as Aaron walked in the Woolpack steadying himself on one crutch and Topher's arm. "You are soaked through and you broke your thingy."

Tilting his body away from her well-meaning hands, Aaron leaned back slightly against Topher. "I'm fine. Just let me through so I can change."

"Yeah, and how are you going to get up the stairs? Let me bring you down some clothes and..." Chas was knocked back into a stool as Aaron rolled his eyes and pushed his way around her, leaving Topher behind as well.

"I can manage." Aaron called out as he kept his head down and away from the eyes of the pub. Ignoring the pain, Aaron stumbled around the counter and into the living area behind the pub.

"Stubborn one, isn't he?" Topher laughed quietly as he looked around the room and saw the whole pub staring at the new face. Adjusting his backpack strap on his shoulder, Topher gave a small wave to everyone before he focused his attention back to the smiling lady in front of him. Thankfully the crowded pub goers went back to their own conversations.

"And you are?" Chas asked curiously looking Topher up and down. It was rare to see Aaron with someone new. Or with anyone outside of Paddy or Adam really.

"Topher. I saw him eat the sidewalk in Hotten and offered to help him back." Raising his hand to shake, Topher smiled back. "And who might you be?"

"Aw, American are ya?" Chas shook his hand and grinned. Offering him to sit at the stool she was pushed back into when Aaron stomped off, she went behind the counter. Her grin was replaced with a sad smile that allowed Topher to see how the lines were made on her face. "I'm his mum. That is, when he lets me be one. Can I offer you a pint, on the house of course, for your trouble?"

"Thank you, but no thank you. No offense, but I never could stand the smell of beer." Topher dropped his bag down on the stool next to him. "I could go for a soda though."

"Soda it is!" Chas turned to prepare his drink and nodded to Vic coming in from the back.

"Aaron was cussin' his way up the stairs." Vic stopped in front of Chas and caught the eye of the fit stranger sitting behind the bar. Smiling as she took in the nice view, Vic shook her head and focused back on Chas. "Being his normal self or did I miss something?"

"I guess his crutch broke his fall in Hotten and this kind gentleman helped him back." Putting down the glass, Chas introduced the pair. "Topher, this is Victoria, Aaron's mate. She is spoken for. Adam, Aaron's other mate and her are together. Victoria, this is Topher. He is American. I'm not sure on his dating status."

"You what? Why you wasting your time in this tiny little village?" Setting down her kitchen towel, Vic leaned her elbows against the counter as she stared at him in disbelief.

"Well, outside of rescuing Aaron, I have family here. James Barton. Do you know him?" Topher asked taking a drink of his cold soda. Lowering the glass, he wondered why both of them were staring at him now. "What? Is he one of those 'dare not speak his name' kind of people? I've only heard about him recently. My dad and him are cousins, so he is my second cousin or however that works out. Really, tell me now and I can forget the whole thing."

"No, no. It isn't like that. Just, James and Aaron had a row the other day and there is some bad blood between the families." Vic answered for Chas. "See, James and Chas were an item and he slept with his wife, really ex-wife but still on paper wife, behind Chas' back. Aaron smashed a bottle against his head. Wife banged him up...er, called the police on him. James lied and said it wasn't Aaron."

"Vic! Can you ever just stay out of it?" Aaron limped back in with a fresh pair of clothes on and took a seat one stool away from Topher. Throwing down his one good crutch, Aaron took a deep breath at the effort it took him to do such a simple task. "She has a habit of running her mouth."

Before Vic could respond, the doors of the Woolpack were pushed open loudly.

"There he is. The muppet of the village." Ross came barging through the door and leaned against Aaron's shoulders as he squeezed him roughly and stage whispered into Aaron's ear. "Me dad is still picking pieces of glass out of his scalp thanks to you."

Seeing the scene was getting attention from Diane, Chas reached across to touch Aaron's hand to calm him. "Leave it, Aaron. Don't let him wind you up." 

Aaron removed his hand and violently slammed his head back against Ross.

"Your dad got was coming to him!" Aaron smirked as he turned around and saw the blood forming under Ross' nose from the blow.

"Yeah. And when will you get what is coming to you! You are a murder multiple times over and you get to sit here and have a pint like you don't have a care in the world. People are dead and suffering and you get a little slap on the wrist and on your merry way to batter people. You are pathetic!" Ross spit into Aaron's face as he stepped forward so there was barely any space between them. "I should..."

"Hey, step back." Topher pushed the two apart and stepped in-between the two while facing Ross. Flinching at the smell coming off Ross, Topher raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. "You are obviously drunk and need to walk away."

"You what? Who the hell are you?" Ross stepped into Topher's personal space and glared into his eyes. "You his new bottom boy? I advise you to walk away. He has a habit of killing his blokes."

"That is enough!" Diane shouted from behind the bar as she slammed her hands down on the counter. "I have had it with the pair of you. Grow up! Ross, go home. Aaron, follow your mum to the back. And whoever you are, do one."

Everyone in the pub froze at the tone in Diane's voice. She had barred people before, but never with such force in her voice.

"I said now!" Diane shouted again seeing that no one was listening to her words. "Or I will call the police myself and have the whole lot of you put away."

"You will get what is coming to you. Mark my words." Ross glared at Aaron as he stormed out of the pub.

"Topher, help him back." Chas suggested in a shaken voice. "Aaron, let him. Please, for my sake."

As the three walked back into the living area, Topher snickered to himself as he heard the older woman put the rest of them into their place.

"Oh, don't act like you've never see it before!"

 


	4. Chapter 4

"He has no right to speak to you like that. No right." Chas banged the kettle down as she enunciated her words. She was winding herself up as she thought of all the cruel words Ross had said. "That lad is no angel himself. Right criminal he is." Picking the kettle back up again, she asked Topher how he took his brew. "Milk, love?"

"Yes, please." Topher picked at his sleeve of his jacket. He was sitting next to Aaron on the couch and trying not to stare too much at the man. He had hit his head hard on the drunken idiot's face and Topher figured it had to hurt. But despite the blow to his head and the strain on his ankle without both crutches, Aaron seemed to be content. All the tension from his face from earlier was gone and Topher could admit the man was attractive. Not his normal type. Typically beards turned him off, but on Aaron it looked right. Smiling and saying 'thank you' to Chas as she placed both his and Aaron's cups on the table, Topher did not ask the million questions he had running through his head about all he had learned out in the pub.

Aaron sat with his right leg on the coffee table and he eyes closed as he leaned back against the pillow on the sofa. He was riding the high of the pain and the sound of Ross' nose hitting the back of his head. He could hear his mum and Topher speaking to one another but it was distant, like having the telly on while you fixed something. Aaron, forever sleep deprived since the night of Robert and Chrissie's wedding, might have fallen asleep in the bliss of the moment if his mum didn't start shouting at him.

"And you! You know you have a suspended sentence. Why the hell are you going around assaulting people?" Chas turned one of the kitchen chairs around to face the boys and sat blowing on her tea. "Aaron. Aaron!"

"What?" Aaron mumbled in reply as he opened his eyes and shifted himself upright. He could smell the brew and it actually smelled good. His food and drink had been scarce lately, with the thought of consuming something making his stomach turn.

"That was stupid what you did in there. What if he rings the police and reports you? You are on a suspended sentence, love." Chas slouched her shoulders as she wrapped both of her hands around the warm mug. Looking into the tea, her voice lowered. "I can't deal with that again. Not with everything that has been going on. I need you here. I need you around so I can keep an eye on you. If anything..."

"Mum, stop it." Aaron winced slightly as he moved his leg off the table and rubbed at the back of his head. "The daft prat is never going to ring the police. He knows I wouldn't hesitate to spill all his dodgy deals."

"I'm going to ignore why you know about his dodgy deals. Just do me a favor and stay away from him. If you see him or any other of the Bartons, I want you to leg it." Chas kept her eyes on her son until he nodded his head in compliance.

"Wait, that Ross guy is James' son. Which means I'm related to him." Setting down his cup, Topher shook his head in amazement. He heard Ross say it earlier in the pub but he didn't make the connection due to the shock of everything happening at once. "Maybe I should just be going and forget about meeting them."

"Sorry, love." Chas took a sip of her tea before continuing, "Your parents probably shouldn't have sent you on holiday here. Maybe a nice holiday in Hawaii would have been better."

"I'm not here on vacation or holiday." Topher frowned looking down at his shoes. "My parents were trying to save me from myself and sent me here in hopes of turning a new leaf. Now, my only family here probably thinks I'm sleeping with their enemy."

Chas laughed at her guest. "Just another day in the village, really. Besides, you could do a lot worse than our Aaron."

"Mum!" Aaron glared at her as he pushed himself up to leave the room. "I'm going upstairs and ordering a new crutch."

Pausing at the door, Aaron looked to their guest and nodded to the upstairs, "I don't mind if you want to join me. Let the tosser cool off a bit before you go 'round and make your proper introductions."

Thanking Chas again, Topher grabbed his bag and followed Aaron up the stairs while Chas let the grin return to her face. With Topher around, maybe her son would finally let the lying scum Robert go.

 

Tossing himself onto his bed, exhausted from the short trip, Aaron motioned for Topher to sit anywhere he would like. Since he had returned from France, he liked to keep his room neat with only the essentials in the room. Not that it matter really, the last person he had had in his room was Robert and that was months ago. Robert. Looking at his phone, Aaron half expected a text from the lying cheat. There was nothing. Since watching Robert speed off in one of his overpriced vehicles, Aaron had not seen or heard from him. Word around was that Donny was back in town and causing some disruption to the White household.

Sitting down on the foot of the bed, Topher studied Aaron's room while Aaron made a phone call to order the replacement crutch. The room was neat and scarcely decorated. Nothing in the room gave him a hint of what Aaron was like. While he could read some of Aaron's history and personality through his body language and interactions with others, he was curious to learn as much as he could about the brooding man.

"There is a B&B down the road but you are welcome to stay here." Aaron bit his lip thinking he was coming across as too forward. While the man knew more about Aaron than he would have liked him to know, he was still a complete stranger he was inviting into his house. "As a guest I mean. As a thank you. Not, not that you need to stay with me. Not me. Here, not that you need to stay here."

"Well, when I met you I was planning on either getting another odd job to pay for my room or robbing the next business man that I saw with his head in his phone." Looking down at the bedspread, Topher smiled. "This has been the most excitement I have had in awhile. If you don't mind, I wish to stay here."

"Good." Aaron turned his head away as he blushed slightly. "I mean, I owe you one so this is how I can repay you."

"You might have to have sex with me to fully repay that debt. You took the last of my money with the taxi fare to get here." Topher laughed as Aaron whipped his head back to him. Aaron's face was turning many shades of red. "I'm kidding. Oh my gosh, your face!"

"Real funny, Gopher." Aaron tossed one of his pillows at the American's face and laughed himself. Realizing he was laughing, Aaron bit his lip again to try and stop himself. It had been over an hour since he thought of her and him. Feeling all the guilt come rushing back at once, the laughter stopped and he felt the uneasiness creep back into his being. 

"What's wrong?" Topher noticed the quick change in his demeanor and moved himself up the bed to be closer to the now silent man. Witnessing his aversion to touch throughout the day, Topher kept his hands to himself. The tightness and tension was back in Aaron's body and he was closing himself off again. "Hey, you don't have to do that."

"What do you know?" Aaron's tone was low and harsh.

This was a mistake. He should have never let the man help him. He didn't deserve his help. He didn't deserve anyone's help. All the words James had said were true. He was a coward. And all the stuff Ross had shouted at him was true as well. He was a murder. He was pathetic. But Ross was wrong in one regard. He didn't feel like he didn't have a care in the world. He didn't just get to go on his merry way and forget what he had done. No, what he did constantly played itself out in his head in all the sick details. He didn't deserve to forget what he had done. He wasn't like Robert, who could compartmentalize it as an accident that was better left unspoken. He wasn't like Robert, who could get pleasure from his wife and lover on the side as if what he did didn't matter. He couldn't let himself be happy because it was a lie. He could never be happy. He didn't deserved to have happiness.

"I think I know more than you realize." Topher kept his voice soft and gentle, as if speaking to a scared child. "I know what it is like for your thoughts to haunt you. I know what it is like for your thoughts to go so fast through your head it is hard to follow them. I know what it is like to hate yourself and feel like you need to be punished."

Aaron kept his eyes down as he listened to Topher voice what it was like to be inside his head. Feeling the pressure behind his eyes, Aaron fought to hold back the tears. The soft sound of their collective breaths was the only noise in the room for over a minute.

Finally breaking the silence, Aaron looked up with wet eyes, "Whatever you think you know about me, it is worse."

"I could say the same thing back to you." Topher met Aaron's eyes with the same intensity Aaron was projecting out to him. "I think we might be more alike than I first thought. See, I figured you were a tortured soul by the way you carried yourself as you got off that bus and moved down the busy sidewalk ignoring everyone around you. You radiated pain from every pore of your body."

"Then why did you help me?" Aaron blinked back his tears and fought with himself to stay and not run away. "Why didn't you just do a runner? You think you can fix me? Save me from myself? Play therapist with me?"

"Because I thought maybe we could help each other."

 


	5. Chapter 5

"And how do you think I can help you?" Aaron leaned forward and narrowed his tearful eyes. Speaking in a low tone, Aaron continued. "I can't even help myself. You know what I did to my ankle? I was being stupid. I heard something I didn't want to hear yet I knew was coming. I knew it yet I was so stupid I did it anyway. Then, afterwards, I felt so gutted. So what did I do? I pushed myself too hard, exhausted myself and fell down in the middle of the woods. In the middle of nowhere because I couldn't stop myself. I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to stop myself. So tell me what use I could be to you?"

"I have no friends here. I know no one. My distant family, that is suppose to help me stop hurting myself with idiotic mistakes, is only going to know me as the guy that sided with you instead of my own family." Topher paused and debated going further with his self-disclosure. "And surprise, people tend to avoid me once they learn the truth. I'm my own worst enemy and sometimes I fucking love it. Other times, I can't stand myself. And when I can't stand myself, I can't stand anyone else. Call me crazy, because I know I am, but I figured maybe you might understand that. Maybe you won't judge me like everyone else in my life. I can count the number of people I care about is this world on one hand, and that is with some fingers left over. It is a really fucking lonely life when you can't even count yourself as someone you wish to be around."

Letting the silence fill the room, Aaron turned his eyes away and saw the message pop up on his mobile. Robert. Aaron felt the blood start to swoosh behind his ears and his vision go blurry with his tears. Roughly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Aaron read the message and tossed the phone aside. Talking three deep breaths before looking up again, Aaron met the dark blue eyes and said, "Okay."

Smiling, Topher stood up and looked around the room until he settled on looking out the window. The sun was setting and the village was growing darker. "Okay."

 

Later, Aaron stared at the ceiling while lying in his bed. The last time he had looked at his phone, Robert had left two other texts that went unanswered. When Aaron read the last one, 'poor little aaron feeling like he needs some attention?' the time was 1:07 am.

Topher had insisted the bedroom floor would not be a bother. Give him a blanket and a pillow and he could sleep anywhere. However, he reported the sofa downstairs was too public and open for his tastes.

"I always thought the expression, 'I can hear you thinking from all the way other here,' was so cliché but I guess it is true." Topher broke the silence. The pair had both been lying in the dark knowing that sleep wouldn't come easy that night. "Nights are the worst for me. All this time and all these thoughts I must think at once."

"There is this guy." Aaron rubbed his eyes a little too hard with the tips of his fingers and took a breath. "This married guy I have been sleeping with. His cow of a wife isn't none the wiser. But she went away on a holiday with her family and left the house to us. It was...I don't know. It was weird being there, in their house, but it was also nice too. The thoughts stopped for a bit and I think I was happy. Then after days of screwing around, he fucks me on the kitchen floor and casually informs me she is returning the next day. An, 'oh, by the way, you need to leave.'"

"What thoughts?" Topher turned so he was lying on his side and facing the bed. He could make out the shape of Aaron on the bed from the floor.

"Not so fast." Aaron turned quickly to find Topher staring up at him, and then just as quickly turned his eyes back to the ceiling. "I shared so now it is your turn."

"Oh, the 'old dirty secrets hot potato' game." Topher laughed quietly to himself and readjusted himself so he was more comfortable. "I was the first kindergartner in the history of my county to be expelled by the third week of school."

'Wait, I admit to adultery and you give me a naughty school boy?"

"If you would let me finish!" Topher huffed in mock dismay. "My parents didn't know what to with me. They had me tested and I scored off the charts on the IQ tests. 'He is bored,' they said. 'He needs to be challenged,' they said. So they enrolled me in an advanced school and I was expelled by the first month. Nothing was giving. I was a little shit and loved it. The control I had over all these grown adults in my life was intoxicating. They should have known then that I would never do anything in moderation. Running out of options, they decided they would send me to my grandfather's house. He was my mother's father and as old school as they come. Former Navy Seal and as disciplined as they come. My grandmother had passed when my mother was still a child. My mother and her brother moved in with their aunt because grandfather was overseas somewhere at the time and had been for awhile. Needless to say, he didn't have much experience with children, let alone a child that thought he didn't have to listen to save his own hide."

"Go on."

"He tried everything and I wouldn't back down, so in a fit of frustration and rage, he started hitting me and he didn't stop." Remembering the look in his grandfather's eyes before his world went black gave him a shiver. "Afterward he knew he had gone too far. My eye was swollen shut for a couple days and it hurt to breathe out of my nose. My whole body ached and I'm pretty sure I had a concussion. He attended to my cuts and bruises and let me heal before sending me home. He told me I could never tell anyone what he did. If I did, then I would be taken away from my parents and my baby sister and would never be able to see them again. I went home and was enrolled in the first grade at a new school. I never told anyone until right now."

Hearing Aaron shift around to sit up in his bed, Topher waited for the reaction.

"Me mum didn't know what to do with me either. I wasn't bad, she just wasn't ready or something. So I bounced back and forth for a bit until she sent me to live with me dad. It was going alright." Aaron sighed. "I knew something was different about me since as long as I could remember, but I didn't want to admit it. I started acting out. Drinking. Running drugs. I had so much anger and self-loathing inside that it started to spill out of me. I was mad and hit me stepmother. They had had it with me long before that, but I guess that was the final straw. I started staying away longer and longer. Police picked me up for having drugs and me dad wouldn't answer. So in came Chas. I was so nasty to her for so long, but we turned it around. I guess Jackson had a part in that too. He was...well, he was..."

"No. It is my turn." Topher pushed himself off the floor and sat down at the foot of Aaron's bed, mindful of Aaron's feet. "First kiss, first real kiss, was a man named Kevin. He was the assistant coach for my hockey league. I was fourteen and he has twenty-five. My parents are overachieving perfectionists and they had high hopes for me. After my grandfather straightened me out, I was high honors and honor roll all the way. Hockey was also something I was good at and it kept me out of the house. My baby sister was a person I could count on my hand but she got sick and my parents devoted all of their drive and passion into fighting her cancer. In the end, it was too aggressive and she was just too weak to fight it off. My parents didn't know what to do with themselves, all their money and focus on curing her and she was just gone. Both of them sank into a deep depression after that and I understood why. Just, it was hard to be around them. Looking at them, I was constantly reminded she was gone and it was easier to not remember her. Anyway, the assistant coach was a great distraction until the head coach caught wind of it. He knew my back story and he questioned me about what I wanted to do. The assistant coach didn't force me into anything. Granted he took advance of the situation but I was always older than my age and I looked older than my peers. The head coach fired him and recommended that we stay away from each other."

"Jackson." Aaron paused and looked up closing his eyes. "Well, he would have been on me hand."  

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron had three new messages from Robert on his cell when he woke up.

Topher was asleep on the floor, having moved back down around three o'clock in the morning.

Aaron had told him about Jackson and how he had opened his eyes to a new way of viewing himself. He told him about the accident and the helplessness he felt watching Jackson waste away both in body and spirit as the months progressed. He told him about Hazel and how she just couldn't kill her baby. And he told him about court and Jackson's father. He told him about how he slept on Jackson's grave more than once to feel closer to him and he told him about the depressed state he fell head first into once he realized that Jackson might have changed his mind if given more time.

He didn't tell him about the scars on his stomach. Aaron knew how people started acting around him once they learned that particular truth.

And he didn't tell him about Katie. He didn't tell him about her eyes and how they haunt him. He didn't know if he would ever be able to tell that truth.

Only him and Robert knew the truth about her. Katie, unlike Jackson, did not choose to die. Katie, unlike Jackson, did not get to say goodbye to her loved ones. Katie, unlike Jackson, had to lie there in the cold until someone she loved found her.

It was hard to see Andy around the village and not tell him how gutted he was about not ringing him straight away. It was painful to watch him on top of the cliff and not scream it out to the world what they did. How they had ripped a part of his soul out and now were trying to patch him back together with lies.

Lies. Aaron was sick of the lies. Sick of the secrets and the hiding. Secrets equaled pain for Aaron, they always had. He was happy his mum and Paddy knew about Robert. He was ashamed of himself for allowing himself to fall for a bloke he could never truly have, but the rush of being together kept him going back for more.

He loved Robert despite his best judgment. Not that his judgment was all that great to begin with. 

Reading the messages again, Aaron looked back down to Topher and then typed his reply.

'Meet me in the yard in 20 minutes or don't bother texting me again'

Reaching for his one good crutch, Aaron moved out of the bed and attempted to be as quiet as a man on one crutch and a broken ankle could be.

As he was moving past Topher's pillow on the floor, Aaron paused looking at the skin showing from Topher's long sleeve shirt having been pushed up in his sleep. Topher's arm was resting on top of his head on the pillow, with his wrist facing up. He could only see about 8 centimeters of skin past his wrist; however, it looked like there were patterns etched into his skin.

Leaning down to get a better look, Aaron saw the start of a word and then scars lining their way up his arm. Each scar neatly following the next. Whereas Aaron's cuts were jagged and randomly scattered across his stomach, Topher's scars looked like they were deliberately craved into his flesh in perfect order. 

Ignoring his curiosity for the moment, Aaron grabbed some clothes and looked to his phone to see if Robert had answered him.

'I will be there in ten'

Hobbling his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change, Aaron felt the pain radiating through his head from the blow it gave Ross the day before. Unlike the pain he felt in the moment, the one that followed the rush of adrenaline through his veins as he knocked the blood out of Ross' nose, this pain was dull and only served to make Aaron's mood that much more sour.

 

"I was begining to think you were only winding me up." Robert smirked as he leaned against a rusty truck destined for parts and melting down. He was wearing a pair of tight blue pants and a grey jumper, with his leather jacket layered perfectly on top. "Chrissie is out shopping and I..."

"Are you stupid or what? Do you really think I want to hear about your wife?" Aaron sat down on a wooden box next to the truck and celebrated the fact he had made it as far as he did. His head still ached and his ankle was throbbing with a sharp pain that allowed the thoughts to be blocked and the anger to come out. "Stop sending me threatening texts. It is annoying."

"They weren't all threats." Robert pushed his upper body off the truck and moved forward to hover over Aaron. "I said I was sorry and that I was stupid for what I did. It is just that Chrissie is..."

"That is two. Two mentions in less than three minutes." Aaron reached for his crutch and used all his remaining strength to stand up from his spot on the box. "I don't know why I even bothered."

"Hey." Robert grabbed his upper arms and steadied Aaron before he fell back down onto the box. "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. End of."

Sighing at the feel of Robert so close to him, Aaron allowed himself to relax against Robert's chest and breathe in his unique scent of sandalwood and myrrh layered with leather. Robert's arms were strong and they wrapped themselves around his back flawlessly, pulling him tight against his chest. He hated himself for it, but Robert made him feel alive and safe, if only for a few moments per day. Feeling Robert's hand gently work its way through his short hair, Aaron almost purred at the pressure being released from his head.

"Vic said you and Ross got into it. That you bloodied his nose good. Dirty little prat." Robert unconsciously swayed their bodies as he spoke. "Said some fit American boy was with ya."

"His name is Topher." Aaron closed his eyes and swayed gently with Robert as he was lulled into a peaceful state. "He is James Barton's cousin. Second cousin. From America. Broke me crutch and he helped me back to the village. Stayed at ours last night."

"You what?" Robert abruptly stopped the movement of his hand and pushed Aaron away from him. "Where?"

"In me room." Aaron startled from the lack of body heat and pressure against his body. Opening his eyes fully, he stepped around Robert embarrassed. He didn't mean to lose himself in his touch. It felt good to be touched by Robert. He was the only one in months that Aaron had allowed himself to be physically close to.

"Is that why you responded and asked me here?" Robert's face tensed and his mouth narrowed. "Trying to teach me a lesson in what it feels like to be poor little Aaron."

"Oh, get over yourself. He slept on the floor." Aaron started moving towards the portacab. He was knackered and wanted to rest before he made himself home. "He could have slept in me bed if I wanted him too. Maybe I should start acting all righteous that Chrissie doesn't sleep on the hard floor."

"Go on, prove my point!" Robert called out as he turned himself and headed toward his car. "I look forward to your text once you realize you will never be able to stay away."

"Do one." Aaron called back as he let the door slam shut before sitting in the first chair he could find.

He felt sick. His stomach was churning and he could feel the blood swooshing through his head and body. Lying his head down on the desk, he wrapped his arms around his stomach and curled himself in tight waiting for the nausea to stop. It had probably been over 36 hours since he had eaten anything other than a small bite here or there. He wanted to eat, just he couldn't force himself to get the food past his lips. Attempting to slow his breathing, Aaron closed his eyes tighter and waited it out. 

 

"Sleep alright?" Chas grinned as she greeted Topher from her spot at the kitchen table. Topher had woken up to find Aaron gone. Helping himself to a warm shower and some new clothes, Topher eased his way downstairs not sure what he would find. He was happy it was Chas greeting him.

"I did. Thank you." Topher pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. Tapping his fingers against the table, he wondered if it would be rude to ask for food. They had been more than kind to allow him to stay the night. Asking for food felt wrong.

"Oh, where are me manners? So toast, love? A cuppa? I make a mean brekky." Chas stood and busied herself making Topher toast and a cup of coffee. Ignoring his protests, Chas smiled back at him before prying. "Do you like our Aaron? He is available."

"We have had some good conversations." Topher stirred in some milk to his coffee and laughed at the shock on Chas' face. "What?"

"It is just, you do mean our Aaron right?" Chas blew the steam off her own cup and laughed. "I would kill to have a good conversation with him. We haven't had an easy go at it. I wasn't a good mum to him for too long. He hated me and I don't blame him. A kid needs their mum. I tried to make up for it but he just kept pushing me away. Then, something happened and he slowly let me in."

"Aaron told me about Jackson. He sounded like a great guy." Topher ate his toast in three bites and didn't have time to lick the crumbs off his fingers before Chas was up making him more food.

"I'm glad he can talk to you. He doesn't trust easily." Chas paused near the toaster and placed a hand on her stomach. "But if he lets you in, aw, then you are in for good."

"Aaron 'round?" Adam pulled his hat off as he popped his head in from the side door. "I texted him but he never seems to answer that damn thing anymore."

"He was gone before I woke up." Topher said before devouring his second and then third piece of toast.

"Oh, cheers." Turning to leave back through the door, Adam stopped himself and walked back into the center of the room. "Wait, you are?"

"Adam, this is Topher. He helped Aaron yesterday after his spill in Hotten." Chas answered as she got up and brought a plate full of toast to their guest. Pushing the plate closer, Chas grinned and nodded for him to have as much as he wanted.

"Yeah, Vic was going on about ya." Adam hesitated watching Topher eat two more pieces of toast in three bits. "They not have toast in America?"

"Just hungry." Topher blushed slightly. Adam was staring at him a little too hard, almost like he trying to piece together something.

"Oi!" Adam announced once it finally hit him. "Me and you are cousins mate. James is me dad."

"Oh!" Topher bit his lip to stop his laughter from the proud expression Adam had on his face from figuring out what was troubling him. "That means that lovely thug from yesterday is your brother."

"Ross? Yeah, unfortunately. Half brother. I just learned about James being me dad a bit ago. I was used to having sisters munging up me life. Who knew brothers would be worse?" Putting his hat back on, Adam laughed. "His bite isn't always as bad as his bark. Finn is nice and I guess Pete is alright too."

"Considering the impression Ross must have of me, I can't wait to meet the others." Topher stood and took care of his dirty dishes. "Do you mind if I follow you to the scrapyard? I wouldn't mind checking the place out. I heard you have a dog?"

"Sure. Maybe Aaron isn't skiving off and we will find him there."

"I'll send him 'round if he comes back here." Chas smiled at the pair as they left.

Taking care of her own dishes, Chas spoke to herself. "Better be scraping and not off with that slimy prat."

 


	7. Chapter 7

"Don't mind Scrap, he will probably turn out to be the worst guard dog in history." Adam laughed as he petted the dog on his head before guiding him over to the center so Topher could have a spot to sit in the truck. "Saw a field mouse the other day and I swear he yelped and peed a little. But you are a good boy! Aren't ya, Scrappy?"

"I have two dogs back home. One is a chihuahua and pit bull mix named Chippy. He believes he is bull mastiff and tries to scares our other dog, Oakley, who is a bull mastiff." Topher smiled as Scrap leaned against his side and looked at him with big eyes, begging to be petted. "No matter how may nicks he gets from the other dog, he just keeps believing one day he will put the bigger dog in his place."

Starting the old truck, Adam patted the steering wheel happy the vehicle started on the first try. "Sounds like our Aaron. I'm happy he is with ya. He has been on a dry spell since returning from France. Unless you count Finn, but that was a one off. And he said he was so sloshed it was really just a snog and a roll around before passing out. I'm always telling him to get out more."

"Oh, we aren't together..." Topher said failing at his attempt to guide the dog back to his spot in the middle and not directly on his lap. "Just helping out a friend. New friend. Just met him yesterday."

"Never say never..." Slowing down to maneuver the truck into the scrapyard, Adam scanned the property to see if he could spot Aaron. "He has a heart of gold and is loyal to a fault. He should have thrown me to the curb after all the stuff I've botched."

"A sucker for punishment then?" Topher mumbled to himself as he hopped out of the truck with Scrap on his heels.

"Check the portacab, I'll check the back." Adam called out as he walked over to the area where they kept the large pieces of scrap.

"Aaron?" Topher called out as he opened the door to the trailer. Grinning as he saw Aaron hunched forward in a chair near the door, his chin almost resting on his chest as he slept, Topher walked further into the makeshift business office. "Did I keep you up too late? Don't tell Adam, he already thinks we are sleeping together. I set him straight but I think he...Aaron?"

Scrap trotted up the the sleeping man and nudged Aaron's hand with his nose before lying his head against his legs. Topher paused noticing the new bruising on Aaron's face and the blood splattered on his shirt. "Shit. Aaron!"

"Did you find him? He wasn't 'round..." Adam asked walking into the office area and stopping once he saw Topher on his knees looking Aaron over. "Is is asleep? Must be the pain tablets, they always knock me out." 

"Someone hurt him." Topher leaned closer and let out a relieved breath as he noticed the gentle rise and fall of Aaron's chest. "I think he needs a doctor. Look at his face."

Coming in closer, Adam gasped at the marks and the blood on his jacket. "I'll phone the ambulance service."

Taking in the mess of papers and supplies thrown around the room, Topher stood to full height and reached his hand to Aaron's shoulder to give him a gentle nudge. "Aaron?"

"You don't think he did this, do you?" Adam asked as he followed Topher's gaze around the room. The ambulance was on its way. "He has been stressed but he wouldn't destroy this place. This is our business."

"Shouldn't we call Chas?" Topher asked removing his hand from Aaron's unresponsive form and stepping back slightly to face Adam. "I don't have a phone that works here."

"Yeah, she should know." Adam took out his phone and pushed the buttons to get to her number. After the phone rang once, it went to voicemail. "Voicemail."

"Do you think this was Ross? He was pissed yesterday, saying he was going to make Aaron pay." Topher began to pace a short distance in the office, feeling his body start to respond to the adrenaline. "Where is James? I think it is time I make my formal introductions."

"Let's wait for the ambulance and then we will go back to the pub and ask 'round."

 

Finding Paddy sitting in the waiting area at the hospital, Chas threw herself down in the chair next to him. Her face was red and her body language screamed 'let me at him.' "Am I always the last to know everything about me son?"

"They rang me. Um, he had. Um, right, he added me next of kin." Paddy shifted around in his chair uncomfortably, not able to find a proper place to put his hands. "The doctor is still examining him. They figured it might be more than a few cuts and bruises effecting him. They wanted to run some tests."

"Cuts?" Chas whipped her head up flustered. "He isn't? Is he? I mean, he only lives right under me nose and I never pick up on it."

"No. The cuts were from the attack." Paddy settled on resting his hands on his upper thighs. "Figured someone gave him a right good beating."

Closing her eyes and resting her head back against the wall, Chas clenched her jacket tight around her waist. "Why? Why is it always him? I swear, that lad is going to be the end of me. I don't think I can do this again, Paddy. I just don't have it in me. So help me God, if this has anything to do with Robert, I'll kill him meself."

"I thought he was coming 'round with the Robert situation." Paddy grasped his hands together and then debated resting one on Chas' arm. Hovering his hand over her arm, Paddy changed his mind and put his hands back together. "He told me himself he is good at hiding it." 

"Mr. Kirk?" A younger woman in a white lab coat questioned as she walked up to the pair. "Are you with Mr. Livesy?"

"Yes. And this is his mum." Paddy stood making the introduction. "How is he?"

"I have examined him as well as have reviewed his chart. The bruising he experienced is minor compared to his overall health. He was admitted less than two weeks ago with a broken ankle and a moderate case of exhaustion. It appears as if the exhaustion has worsened. He is dehydrated and appears to be suffering from a concussion. The chart showed no evidence for a concussion the last time he was admitted. It might be a result of the blows to the head from the assault. In addition, his ankle does not appear to be healing as well as we would like. It might be a result of the dehydration or it might be due to improper care. I recommend he remain in our care at least overnight. By that time, he will have been given fluids and we can do a more thorough examination. He is awake. He appears agitated, likely a side effect of the concussion." 

"Or a side effect from birth." Chas said sarcastically. She swore her son was born agitated. "Can we see him?" 

"Keep the questions to a minimal and do not attempt to agitate him further. He needs time to heal and, in order to do so, he needs to keep his stress levels down." The doctor guided them to Aaron's room as she explained. "With his history, I also recommend a psychological examination prior to his release." 

"Good luck with that one." Chas let out a small laugh as she pushed open the doors to her son's room, leaving Paddy behind to continue the conversation. She just wanted to see her son. "How are ya, love?"

"I don't know why I'm here. Not the first time I took a few blows to the head." Aaron sighed from his spot on the bed. They had bandaged his cuts and his face was swollen. "When can I go home?"

"Dehydrated and likely a concussion. Most likely from using your head as a human bowling ball on Ross." Chas sat in the comfortable chair next to the hospital bed. "You haven't been taking proper care of yourself. They want to keep you overnight."

"No way. I want to go home. These places do my head in and I will heal better at home." Aaron winced as he attempted to move up the bed, his head and stomachache protesting the movement. "I just got out of this place. I swear I've been in this same room before."

"Yeah, and all the good it did ya. You are staying. End of. They are going to let you rest for a bit, pump you full of some fluids and then do some more tests." Chas added as Paddy walked into the room, having finished his conversation with the doctor. "Tell him he isn't going anywhere."

"Aaron, you need to stay here." Paddy moved closer to the bed, opposite Chas. "They are going to send someone 'round to ask you some more questions later. Your doctor thinks it is best to have everything sorted before you leave."

"How many times are they going to shrink me head?" Aaron huffed as he leaned his head back against the hospital pillow. He didn't want anyone else inside his head. With Katie and all the thoughts surrounding her death, he didn't have anymore room. 

"Aaron, we are worried about ya." Paddy took a deep breath and shifted his footing. "I think it is time to come clean with everything. Get it all out in the open and allow yourself to move on."

"You what?" Chas sat up straighter and shifted her eyes between her son and Paddy. "What is he going on about? What don't I know?"

"Paddy!" Aaron felt the tears forming in his eyes and his breathing becoming more and more uneven. The heart monitor attached to his finger was beeping out that his heart rate was increasing. He had promised he wouldn't say anything.

"Let it out Aaron. It is literally killing ya." Paddy reached for the chair on the other side of the bed and sat down. "If I know you, and I believe you will agree I do, then I know there is more than what you told me the other day. Trust us. It will make you feel better."

"Aaron, what is going on? Come on, out with it! You're scaring me." Chas moved to place her hand on Aaron's leg but removed it noticing the immediate tension that came from her touch. Watching the tears falling down her son's cheeks, Chas felt her own tears forming. Quietly, she begged, "Please, love. Tell us."

Closing his eyes, Aaron took three deep breaths. Letting each one out slowly, Aaron blurted it on the third one before he could stop himself. "I killed her."

"Who?" Chas asked confused as Paddy gasped on the other side of the bed.

"No, Aaron. Tell me you didn't." Paddy shook his head remembering their last conversation in the hospital. He wouldn't have done such a thing. 

"What do you want? You beg me to tell the truth and then you tell me to bottle it." Aaron laughed angry. "You can't have it both ways. It was me. It wasn't bad luck. It was me. I told her to come. I sent her the text and I let her get her evidence. After Robert ringed me, I went back there and I cleaned up our evidence. I removed the fingerprints and the footprints and I left her there. I went back to the wedding party and I waited. Waited for something to happen. And it did. Andy found her. I saw Vic as she heard the news and I saw them leave. Then I took a glass and smashed it. I squeezed the glass in my hand until I couldn't feel anything else but it. I kept that wound open until I started running. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I tried to make them stop. She is in me head. Yelling and shouting what I did. I deserved it. I deserve this, all of it. I deserve it! It was me. I killed Katie."  

 

"Oh, look who it is? Come to avenge your lover?" Ross snickered as he popped his head up from underneath the hood of the car he was working on. "Well, you came to the wrong place. So do one."

"Ross, this is your cousin. Our cousin." Adam leaned back against the garage's doors as he shared the news. "Name is Topher. He came over from America to stay with you and yours for a bit."

"You what?" Ross laughed turning back to his task of replacing the broken part. "Aaron is just picking his way through the Bartons isn't he? Your sister, then you. Our Finn and now our visiting cousin from America. Well, he can try Pete next because I don't much care for the twat."

"Must be something lost in translation because I would imagine that is exactly what you would care for if you were straight." Topher smirked walking closer. Looking at Ross' hands, Topher asked, "What happened to your hands, cuz? Did you get upset about your face and punch a mirror?" 

"What are on me hands is none of your concern, _cuz_." Ross stood up straighter and placed himself into Topher's space. "And anything that muppet has coming to him...well, let's just call that karma."


	8. Chapter 8

Raising her trembling hand to her mouth, Chas shook her head in disbelief. "No, love. Tell us from the beginning. You couldn't have."

"It was me. I told her I could prove it, that Robert was having an affair. It felt good to make a decision, to let it all come out. But it was selfish. I told Robert to come have one last goodbye before the wedding and he said it didn't need to end. That we could go on and I figured now was my chance. I put paid to it, with Katie and I just met him inside. I told him to not marry her, that I loved him. He said I was naive to think we could be anything more than what we had, that we weren't a love story. So I invited her there again and I told him I was fine staying his bit on the side. She took a photo of us, us kissing. Robert, he was upset but he kept going on about marrying Chrissie and how I was nothing to him. So I left. Robert phoned me later and said he needed me. When I got there she was lying there...He said she fell and he tried to stop her. I told him she needed an ambulance, the police...to tell Andy. He said they wouldn't believe us and that I had invited her. They could build a case against us. I was stupid. So stupid." As he told his story, the heart monitor continued to escalate and it felt like his lungs were getting smaller.

"That lying little smeg!" Paddy was stunned into stillness after listening to Aaron.

"It was Robert." Chas' hands continued to tremble as her eyes darted between the two men. "He killed her, Aaron. It was Robert! Not you. Paddy, it wasn't him. Tell him it wasn't him."

"Trust me, I have looked at this from every conceivable angle, replayed this in me head over and over. I started it by trying to make what we had something it wasn't. I was selfish and I didn't care who I would hurt with the truth. I put her in that farm. I left her there with him. And then I cleaned up our mess and let him continue his 'good little boy' act. It should have never happened." Annoyed by the insistent beeping coming from the machine, Aaron ripped the monitor off his finger. "Adam should have left me in that garage. Then Jackson would be alive. Ha, probably married to some bloke and traveling the world. Katie would be alive and happy on the farm with Andy. That is what I was thinking when we found Andy ready to top himself on the cliff. About how I should just end it now and not risk the chance of killing someone else. There is something wrong with me. I hurt the people closest to me. Look at you, Paddy. And you, Mum. There you are crying because of me and I don't deserve your pity. And I have done so much worse to ya. I don't deserve your concern because all I bring is misery."

"No." Chas shook her head as the tears fell from her eyes. Turning down the corners of her mouth, Chas said quietly, "Oh, Aaron."

"Mr. Livesy, is everything alright?" A nurse rushed in the room having noticed his heart rate went flat on the corresponding machine in the nurses' station. Smiling as he noticed it was simply off his finger, the nurse reached to place the device back on his finger. "Your monitor must have fell off there. Let me fix that." 

Before he could, Aaron slapped his hand away. "Leave it." Aaron grunted at the nurse, staring up at him with cold eyes as his breathing came in short spurts.

"Mr. Livesy, the monitor is to allow us to respond in case of distress. It is for your benefit. If you would let me." The nurse moved again to place the monitor back on his finger and Aaron responded in turn by pushing his hand away with force.

"Aaron, stop it." Paddy scolded standing to shield the nurse from Aaron's wrath. Chas sat frozen in place unsure what to do with herself. "Just stop it." 

"Or what? Are they going to toss me out? Phone the police? Go on, do it!" Aaron allowed the rage and the adrenaline to rush through him. Pushing himself up on the bed and ripping out the needle in his hand providing him the fluids, Aaron swung his legs out and stood swaying. "What do I have left to lose? Hm? Ring the police, I have a crime to confess."

Moving his gaze between the three people in the room, all waiting for his next move, Aaron started toward the door. "Fine, I'll do it myself."

Putting his full weight on his broken ankle, Aaron cried out and fell onto his knees and hands. The pain was radiating through his leg to the rest of his body, adding to the tension he felt from the concussion and the sharp pain piercing through in his abdomen.

"Aaron!" Chas cried out as she moved to help him on the floor. Placing her hand on his shoulder, she said weakly, "Oh, sweetheart. Let us help you."

Acting on instinct, Aaron panicked at the touch and swung his arm up to get it away. He couldn't stand the feel of their hands on him. As his elbow made contact with Chas' face, both Paddy and the nurse rushed over to restrain him.

Feeling more hands on him, Aaron's vision went blurry around the edges and all he could hear was the blood rushing through his head. Fighting to breathe, Aaron fought as hard as he could to get the hands away. He didn't deserve their help. He didn't deserve their concern. He was a waste and he was only bringing them down with him.

The noise of Aaron screaming and thrashing his body against Paddy and the attending nurse sent in a swarm of nurses and doctors into the room. Chas sat on the floor holding her bloodied face as Aaron was sedated by one of the doctors. Aaron continued to fight off the hands for a few more moments until the medication took effect and then his body went limp. Allowing Paddy to help her up, a female nurse ushered them out of the room so someone could attend to her face and Aaron could be placed back in his bed.

Sitting in a room down the hall, Chas' hand was causing indents on Paddy's arm as her body continued to tremble. A nurse was holding gauze to her face to stop the bleeding but Chas could not feel it. Her thoughts were on what Aaron had told them and his behavior since Katie's death. It all made sense now and she left like the worse mum in the world for not noticing sooner.

 

"I pay you to fix cars, not wind up fit strangers and the locals." Debbie called out to Ross as she walked out of the back with her hands in her pockets. She had watched the scene from inside the garage and was waiting for the right time to make herself known. "I suggest you get on with changing the oil."

"Aaron is in hospital. We just found him in the scrapyard all banged up." Adam turned his focus toward Debbie but kept Ross in the corner of his eye. He didn't trust him. "Ross made a threat yesterday and there is evidence on his hands."

"How is he?" Debbie pushed away a stray hair that blew into her face as she asked about Aaron. She knew Aaron was battling some demons, she could see it in his eyes. At first she figured it had to do with the end of his relationship with Ed and his lack of prospects in the area. Noticing his reaction to Katie's death, she thought maybe her untimely death was bringing up memories of Jackson. Either way, something had been troubling him for awhile.

"I don't know. I would imagine Chas and Paddy are with him now. I tried to phone them on the way over but they aren't answering." Motioning to Topher, Adam continued, "Me and him are going there after this." 

"Well, go on." Debbie turned her attention to Ross, who was ignoring their conversation and was back working on the car. "I'll keep on eye on him."

Nodding his head in agreement, Adam started back toward the old truck. Opening the door, Adam saw Topher hadn't followed him back. "Topher, you coming?"

"Hey, Ross?" Topher stepped closer to the vehicle Ross was working on and waited for Ross to face him. As Ross rose up, Topher swung his arm back and connected his fist with the side of Ross' head.

Ross fell back against the car yet remained on his feet. Raising his hand to his head, Ross pulled it back and saw blood on his fingers.

Stepping into his space, Topher narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. "Stop being such a homophobic prick. We all have our damage, don't add to yours by being an ignorant douche."

Jumping into the truck, Topher waited until Adam had pulled away from the garage before cradling his hand and crying out, "Son of a bitch has a hard head. Ouch!"

 

"How is he?" Adam asked seeing Paddy sitting in the waiting area. Topher was close behind him, holding his injured hand to his chest in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

Slowly turning his head and coming back from his thoughts, Paddy stood seeing Adam and Topher both giving him a concerned look. It took Paddy a minute to realize the voice around him was talking to him and he probably looked a little nutty staring off into space.

"He...um...he struck Chas and broke her nose. He bloodied a nurse as well. Hit me pretty good in the stomach with his elbow." Paddy shifted his weight and his eyes back and forth between the two men. "He is in a bad way. They sedated him and restrained him to the bed."

"You what?" Adam ran his hands through his hair and leaned back against the wall. "What possessed him to do that? Aaron strikes out but he always have a cause."

"Um...I can't tell you that. Not now." Paddy looked away and searched for sign of Chas. She was finishing with the nurse when Paddy stepped out to get some air and he figured she would be out shortly. "Um, I have to find Chas and ask his doctors what is next."

"Sure. Sure. Go on." Adam ushered Paddy away as he took the seat Paddy was sitting in when they arrived. Looking to Topher, Adam shook his head. "I hate hospitals."

"Yeah, me too." Topher sat next to Adam and didn't allow his mind to go to his memories of the hospitals he had experienced, both as a patient and loved one. "Will they let us see him?"

"I don't know. I've been able to before. When he tried to top himself, he was on a breathing machine and..." Adam's eyes flickered to Topher and then away. He didn't know how much he should share with Aaron's new mate. Aaron didn't like people in his business.

Noticing Adam's hesitation, Topher attempted to ease his discomfort. "Aaron told me some of his history. Mainly about Jackson and the accident. About being in and out of the hospital with him. I think we have a mutual understanding. Plus, I don't know anyone here to share his secrets with."

"Still, he is my best mate and I know how he reacts to this stuff. He likes to bottle it and I just shared it with someone he just met, and probably even fancies."

"Since you already said it, can I ask you a question?" Without waiting for an answer, Topher asked, "Does 'top himself' mean that he tried to kill himself?"

Nodding his answer, Adam sat back and waited for Paddy and Chas to return. Looking around the waiting area and seeing various stages of grief and anxiousness, Adam hoped his mate was okay.

"I'm going to use the bathroom." Topher stood and walked away without waiting for a response.

After walking his way around the hospital floor twice, Topher found Aaron's room and peaked inside the door looking to see if anymore was inside. Finding only Aaron in the room, Topher stepped in and slowly walked closer to his new friend.

Aaron's arms were strapped down to the bed and there was a strap going around Aaron's waist. He looked exhausted and pale. In America, Topher always thought people looked so ill in hospital lighting and he saw that the same was true in this country was well.

"What are you staring at?" Aaron's words came out slowly showing the sedative was still active. His eyes would open quickly and then shut again, as if he was trying to keep them open but they were not cooperating. 

"A kindred soul." Topher placed his uninjured hand on Aaron's upper arm and sat in the chair Chas had before him. Keeping his hand in place, Topher saw the lines erase from Aaron's face and he felt his body relax underneath his touch. "Sleep now. I'll keep those thoughts away so you can rest."

Taking a shaken breath, Aaron allowed his eyes to remain closed and he drifted off into a silent calm.


	9. Chapter 9

Walking back to Aaron's hospital room, Chas paused at the doorway to the room. Topher was sitting in her spot from before, with his hand on Aaron's forearm. Remembering the reaction Aaron gave her when she dared to help him with the fall, she felt a wave of irritation pass through her realizing her son couldn't stand her touch.

"Hiya." Chas said softly walking further into the room. "He looks peaceful right now. I think it might be you."

Keeping his hand on Aaron, Topher turned his attention to Chas. She had a brace going across her nose where the doctor had set it back into place. "How are you feeling? He did a number on your face."

"I'll be fine. It is him that I am worried about." Chas' voice was nasally due to the swelling; however, Topher could still hear the defeat in her tone. "I thought I finally sorted out what to do with him. I was never good at being a mum until he was much older. Ha, I don't even believe myself to be that great of one now, but I thought I...I thought maybe we had met in the middle. He has never been violent with me before. Sure, he has been reckless a time or two, but never like this. He has never struck me before. And I know, I know he isn't in a good place right now. And it breaks me heart to watch him suffer like this."

"My mother and I have never seen eye-to-eye on things. If she said 'go right' than I would go left. If I wanted something and she offered it first, I would turn it down. She said I started making her gray when I was a toddler." Topher gave Chas a sad smile. "I love her with all my heart, but to put it in English terms, she does my head in. My younger sister, Devon, well, she was the sweetest, most loveable child and everyone adored her. She died three years ago and afterward my mother screamed at me in a fit of despair and rage that it should have been me. It made me hate her for a long time because I knew she was right. But, she said it first and I couldn't agree with her. Long story short, the relationship with mothers and their children are always complex and messy. Love is such a strong emotion, it blinds reason at times."

"Oh, love. That is a terrible thing for a parent to tell her child. No matter what you have done." Chas sat in the chair opposite Topher and let the silence fill the room. Chas keep her hands in her lap, afraid that if she touched her son he would wake and disturb the peaceful look on his face. She so rarely was able to see his face relaxed, it almost did not look like her son.

Paddy came in a few minutes later and stood next to Chas. All three of them were lost in their own thoughts as they watched Aaron sleep, all hoping he would wake rested and in a better state of mind.

 

"And where have you been mister?" Vic called out to Adam as he walked into the pub and sat at the bar. She was pulled from the back to fill in for Chas; however, no one had mentioned the reason for Chas skiving off in the middle of the workday. "I sent you a text, but you never answered me. Went around the scrapyard and saw a sad looking dog and you were no where to be found. Find somebody new?"

"Aaron's in hospital. Someone came 'round to the scrapyard and messed him up." Adam motioned for a pint. "I brought Topher to the garage to ask Ross if he knew anything about Aaron's state. Topher went off and punched him right in the face. Ross that is."

"Poor Aaron. His luck is getting worse and worse lately." Vic handed over the pint and leaned on the counter, ignoring her other customers for the moment. "How is he?"

"Dehydrated, has a concussion and cuts and bruises. They are going to keep him overnight and then test him tomorrow, or something." Adam took a drink and then stared into the glass. "Paddy said he hit Chas. Gave her a bloody nose and a right scare."

"That doesn't sound like our Aaron. He would never hurt his own mum. Not anymore." Vic sighed and went back to attending to her other customers.

Sitting in the corner of the pub, Robert overheard the information about Aaron. Quickly finishing his pint, Robert reached for his keys and stood to make his way to his car. Texting Chrissie he had a business client that needed immediate attention, Robert tried to hide the worry off his face as he walked out of the pub. 

 

"So you are James Barton's second cousin from the States and you just happened to save our Aaron from the mean streets of Hotten?" Paddy shook his head in wonderment. "I guess it was fate. You said your parents sent you here. How you spoken to them?"

"No. We didn't leave on the best of terms and I figured we needed some time apart from each other. I have a knack for screwing up and I thought making spare change to pay for room and board in a strange town was a better idea than staying with some distant family I only recently learned about." Topher tilted his head to the side and then the next to stretch his neck. He had been sitting in the same spot for over an hour but he didn't want to move and risk Aaron waking. Maybe it was foolish to believe, but he sensed Aaron wanted the contact and he didn't want to deprive him on it. 

"You should phone them and let them know you are safe." Chas said from her spot at the foot of Aaron's bed. "It was torture not knowing where Aaron was during those times when we couldn't have contact. I knew he was probably fine, being grown and all, but it eased my mind when he could ring me."

"Maybe soon." Topher laughed to himself. "I still have yet to meet James Barton. Adam is alright, but he said he didn't grow up around the man. Haven't meet Pete or Finn yet, so I have no opinion of them. However, if James is anything like Ross, there is no way I'm staying with them."

"You can stay on at the Woolpack. We can fix up Vic's old room and save ya the trouble of making nice with that little prat and the barmy mother." Chas began to pace and her face felt like it was twice its normal size with the swelling.

"Let me get you guys some coffee, or tea?" Topher stood and stretched his leg muscles. As much as he wanted to stay for Aaron, he needed to use the restroom and could do with something to drink himself.

"You don't have to do that." Chas and Paddy said at the same time.

"I know, but I have to move soon or my legs will lock up. Old hockey injury. I'll tell you all about my father's disappointment that I sold my gear for cash and shattered his dream of me having a NHL career." Topher reluctantly removed his hand from Aaron and felt the negative vibes radiating off Aaron again. "Cream, sugar or both?"

"Both please." Chas smiled and moved to hug Topher quickly. "I think you need to get some food for you as well. You're looking a little pale."

"Some sugar in mine if you are offering." Paddy reached for his wallet and gave Topher some cash. Paddy figured Topher did not have the money to treat them all.

"Be back in a flash." Topher turned his head as he called out in a quiet shout as to not wake Aaron.

"You must be Topher." A blonde haired man stopped him three steps from the door. "Staking your claim quickly with Aaron, are ya?"


	10. Chapter 10

Sizing up the blonde haired man and his demeanor, Topher figured he was the one Aaron has having the affair with and spoke of the night before. He was cute, with his boyish looks and smartly dressed frame. He appeared to 'wear his status on his sleeve' as his father would have put it.

"It is a bit much though? Hanging around his hospital room and playing nice with the parents." Robert smirked. "Why are you here? You are not family and he barely knows you. Go home to James and his lot of dysfunctional imbeciles."

"Jealous looks good on you." Topher smiled and moved in closer. He knew the man's game: Attempt to put out the 'big bad wolf' vibe and intimidate him away from his staked claim. Little did he know that Topher also loved head games and he could play with the best of them. Pushing his tongue against the corner of his mouth, Topher felt like messing with him. "Aaron told me you were packing, but, wow, you are an even bigger dick than I imagined."

"You what?" Robert's face reddened as he lowered his voice. "Aaron and I are not..."

"Using each other to get off?" Topher leaned in closer yet and whispered loudly, "Your wife know you like packing it in guys? I would imagine she _might_ have a problem with that. Unless she also has a lover on the side. Maybe one that looks a little bit less than a man child playing dress up. She must like playing mommy and son in bed."

"Listen here you little git," Robert grabbed Topher's jacket and pulled him in even closer, "My wife and I are none are your concern. Go back to the States and..."

"I don't know if I will be able to take such a big cock doctor!" Topher shouted out so everyone passing by in the hallways and the rooms around them could hear. "But if you think it will help out my dying mom than I will give it a try. Just be gentle with me, I'm a virgin."

"You're mad." Robert pushed Topher back against the wall and clenched his jaw. Feeling the eyes around them watching, Robert huffed and walked away from his head down.

"But doctor, you said your lovin' would cure my mother!" Topher called out to the man's back as he hurried away. Topher allowed his face to fall in mock sadness and said softly to the remaining audience around him, "And I already lubed up and everything."

Shaking his head and laughing to himself, Topher rushed off to the bathroom and then to get some refreshments for Aaron's family. They probably heard the whole scene, but with what he gathered from them, they didn't much like Robert either. Aaron told him he had told both Paddy and his mother of the affair once he started pushing himself by running more and more and had broke his ankle.

 

Reluctantly opening his eyes, Aaron wondered why he felt so knackered and his body so heavy. Attempting roll his body over and move out of the bed, Aaron panicked when he felt the resistance holding him down. Raising his head, he saw the restraints and then his mother sitting in the chair next to the bed. Her face had a sliver brace across her nose and, from what he could see around the large, unsightly contraption, her face was swollen and bruised. Remembering her hands on him and then the panic of having multiple hands holding him down, Aaron let his head fall down onto the hospital bed and he closed his eyes. He wasn't ready for this.

A voice was speaking to him; however, the words were too faint and couldn't pick up what it was trying to tell him until the fourth try. He was in hospital and he needed to allow the sedation to wear itself off. He also needed a psychological evaluation before they would consider removing the restraints.

Swallowing and wincing at his sore throat and dry mouth, Aaron recognized the voice as Topher's.

Pushing his lids open, Aaron scanned the rest of the room and found Paddy there as well.

"Hiya. Don't fight it, but allow it to run its course." Paddy said as he moved closer to the bed. Resting his hands on the back of Chas' chair, he gave Aaron a concerned smile. "You gave us a scare there."

"I'm sorry. So sorry." Aaron felt the tears forming in his eyes as he looked at the state of his mum. He did that. He hurt her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I swear."

"I know, love." Chas went to put her hand on Aaron's leg but stopped herself.

Squeezing his eyes tight and tilting his head back, Aaron tried to hold back his emotions. "I need these removed. Please, I can't stand it. Please, Paddy. Get them off me."

"I will go find the nurse." Paddy nodded and moved towards the door. Pausing as he looked to Topher, Paddy narrowed his eyes. "We are going to follow doctor's orders on this one. Do not release him. You will wait until we return."

"I will wait until you return." Topher said sincerely as he sat down on the chair next to the bed and sat on his hands for effect. "I promise."

Hearing the door shut, Aaron looked to his mum again and then quickly away. He hurt her. He ruins everything. 

Noticing Aaron's face and body tensing, Topher placed his hand on Aaron's forearm and started talking. "We have a vacation house in Chicago. Really it is more of an upscale apartment, but that is just semantics. It overlooks Lake Michigan. My parents bought it with money they inherited from my great-grandmother on my father's side. No relation to James Barton. Anyway, we went there every summer and winter since I was four. One day, when I was probably eight or nine, I decided I was going to go to exploring on my own. I had been around the city with my parents numerous times and figured I would take a bus to the zoo. So I gathered up my backpack of snacks and money and just left. My parents were probably playing with my sister or something. She started getting sick around that time and couldn't do much following her treatments."

Topher gently stroked his thumb across Aaron's arm as he spoke and watched the tension leave Aaron's body in waves. Chas watched on and told herself to not be jealous given the action appeared to calm Aaron for the moment.

"I made it to the zoo and had a great day. I visited with the polar bears and watched the lion sleeping in the sun. I chased a peacock through the food area. It was amazing. When I got home, I walked in the door and went straight to my room."

"You were gone all day and they didn't realize it?" Aaron asked in disbelief as he stared at the ceiling tiles.

"Just seeing if you were paying attention. No, they realized it and had the better part of the Chicago Police Department out looking for me. They thought I had been kidnapped or something." Topher continued the movement with his thumb. "A worker at the zoo had called the police saying there was some kid running around and he appeared to be unsupervised. I was mad when the police officer insisted on driving me home. I had planed on riding the bus back."

"Your poor parents must have been sick with worry." Chas took her gaze away from Aaron and directed it over to Topher. "Didn't you care?"

"I guess I wanted to see if they would care. I understood my sister was sick but I couldn't comprehend why they needed to focus so much attention on her at all times. I didn't understand how serious her disease was." Topher sighed in regret. "And I really wanted to go to the zoo and I knew she wouldn't be able to."

Aaron's doctor knocked on the door as she opened it, with Paddy following behind her.

"Mr. Livesy, am going to ask your friends and family to step out while we chat." The doctor waited at the end of the bed as Chas and Topher stood to leave. Once the door was closed, she looked down at his chart briefly. "You became quite agitated yesterday and you required restraints for both your own safety and others. I have reviewed your chart thoroughly and assessed your health following the intravenous fluids. Physically, you are in poor health. Your body shows signs of stress and fatigue. If given the proper care, you will likely experience better overall health. Mentally, you show signs of depression and anxiety. I have given your chart to my colleague in psychiatric and requested he complete a psychological assessment to determine your next course of action. Unfortunately, he is attending to an emergency situation at the moment."

"So they stay on? Or can I tell you I will be a 'good little boy' and you can remove them?" Aaron sneered as he pulled on the restraints holding his arms down. 

"I can removed them under the following conditions: You maintain your composure and refrain from using physical violence against yourself, visitors or staff. Can you agree?"

"Please remove them." Aaron plead as he looked up to the doctor. "They are going me head in and I need them off. I will maintain my composure."

Removing the straps on his legs, waist and then arms, the doctor stood back and watched Aaron strain to sit upright. "Does you abdomen hurt?"

"It has been off and on for about a week." Aaron rubbed his wrists were the straps were and stretched out his legs on the bed. "Sometimes it burns. I haven't been eating well though. I imagine it goes hand in hand."

"You might also have a gastric ulcer. With the amount of stress you have placed on your body and the signs of mental health issues you present with, I would not be surprised if you have developed an ulcer. I will order an endoscopic evaluation to follow your psychological assessment." The doctor wrote on the chart and then looked up. "Any other concerns you are experiencing or questions you have?"

"When can I go home?" Aaron met the doctor's eyes. "No offense, but I hate hospitals."

"After you have complete the psychological assessment, we can discuss your next course of action. I also want to see the results of the endoscopy." Closing the chart, the doctor smiled. "I will send your visitors back in, but allow yourself some rest. Dr. Sherman will also be around shortly to complete your assessment."

Yawning, Aaron watched his family and new mate enter back into the room.

"What did they say?" Chas asked anxiously.

"I need to have more tests and then they will 'determine my next course of action.'" Aaron sighed and yawned again. "I might have an ulcer."

"Wouldn't be surprised with the way you have been going on." Paddy shifted his weight before sitting down. "I hope you see this as an eye opener. You need to stop beating yourself up so bad. Keep away from Robert and focus on your health."

"He was here earlier. I teased him a bit and then sent him on his way." Topher leaned back against the wall opposite Aaron's bed. "Pretty boy, isn't he?"

"What did you say to him?" Aaron asked becoming upset. Robert already accused him of sleeping with Topher, he didn't need anymore grief from him.

"I just figured he didn't need to be here given the fact he is married and no one seems to care for him here." Topher shrugged his shoulders.

"I want him here. I love him." Aaron squeezed his hands. "You idiot!"

"Hey, I was trying to help you. He is no good for..."

"Leave!" Aaron shouted as he squeezed his hands tighter. "I don't need you making decisions for me. Go on now."

"Fine." Topher struggled again and pushed himself off the wall nodding 'goodbye' to Chas and Paddy before leaving.

"What did you do that for?" Chas stood and shook her head slightly. "That lad has been here since yesterday waiting at your bedside and you kick him out for keeping Robert away. A man that by all intents and purposes led you to the state you are in right now. You are going to stand by Robert after all he has done. After he has killed me best mate and tortured you with the secret for months. Look at yourself! Is that someone you want to love?"

"I can't help who I love." Aaron said with tears in his eyes. She didn't understand. No one understood. He deserved the punishment he received for being with Robert.


	11. Chapter 11

"History of counseling services?" Dr. Sherman asked after making his introductions. The emergency situation had finally been sorted and he was able to give his full attention to Aaron. He was a younger doctor and was just hired in to the psychiatric unit last spring. He liked to believe he was able to put people at ease given the typical frantic states they were in when he interacted with them. Aaron; however, did not look at ease.

"I already told the other one. Yes, a few sessions years ago. It helped. I sorted some stuff out." Aaron rubbed at his wrist, there was still a red mark on his skin from the restraints. "I know what to do. Don't bottle stuff up. Make sure I keep moving even if I don't want to. Take deep breaths and count to 10 to cool meself off."

"And yet you are in hospital for exhaustion and dehydration. When you were in counseling, did they diagnosis you with any sort of mental disorder? Your chart does not say." Dr. Sherman kept his tone neutral because he knew he was traveling into a traumatic history. The chart showed a previous attempt of suicide in 2010 and his examination following his broken ankle found marks on his torso indicative of a history of self-harm.

"It wasn't like that. I had something happen. My boyfriend had an accident, a car accident, and he had tetraplegia following the accident. He decided he didn't want to go on and I helped him complete suicide. Assisted suicide. Afterwards, I was gutted and I couldn't...I didn't know how to cope with it. My mum helped pay for a private counselor because the waiting list was so long. He was alright, the counselor. He helped me and I got better." Aaron switched his rubbing to his other wrist. He didn't want to go through this again but he also wanted to go home. If this was going to help with with that, then he would cooperate. Or cooperate enough to allow his release from the hospital.

"Your chart shows a previous attempt of suicide of your own in 2010. Smoke inhalation causing a comatose state and need of a ventilator. Is that correct?" Dr. Sherman closed Aaron's chart and sat in a chair next to Aaron's bed as to not hover above him. 

"I was in a bad way then. I didn't know how I could live with who I was, being gay. I made a stupid decision and I learned my lesson. I'm fine with being gay now. I understand it more than I did then. I was just a stupid teenager. I haven't tried to top myself since. Do I get credit for that?" Aaron sounded sincere until the last jab. Smirking at the doctor, Aaron quickly dropped the smirk when he saw the doctor was sitting still in silence. "What?"

"I'm not here to give you points in columns. I'm here to determine whether you are a danger to yourself or others. I have only reviewed your chart and spoken to you briefly; however, I can see you are still in a bad way. History of suicidal ideation and self-harming behaviors are typically indicative of a deeper underlying mental health disorder. History of aggressive rage and/or dissociative states are also identifiers for a mental health concern. At times it can be depression or bipolar disorder. Or an underlying anxiety disorder. I would like to ask you some more questions to clarify if there is more present than difficulties with self-identification and a response to traumatic grief. Are you willing to answer my questions? I will need honest responses to help determine potential disorders." Dr. Sherman sat back fuller in the chair and crossed his legs at the knee, patiently waiting for Aaron's response. He wasn't surprised with his answer.

"I don't need anyone instead me head. I don't have a disorder. I have a broken ankle and a _history_ of stubbornness. I didn't follow doctor's advice the last time and probably pushed myself too hard. Broken me crutch as a result of bad luck. And then some prat decided to assault me in my place of business." Aaron winced as he shifted back in his bed. He could feel the rage building inside of him and he was too exhausted to do anything with it. It just sat in the pit of his stomach and churned. "Is that honest enough?"

"I generally find that patients who resist my questions are the ones that need to answer them the most. You are becoming agitated yet I have done nothing to you other than ask some basic questions about your mental well-being. Something I might add that is well within my realm of responsibilities for a patient." Dr. Sherman continued with his neutral tone and calm expression on his face. "I ask that you take some time to sort out your thoughts and I will come back in a few hours." 

"When can I leave?" Aaron shouted before Dr. Sherman could reach the door and leave him alone to wait some more. He was sick of his room and he needed to find Robert to see what Topher had said. He needed to explain.

"You will be free to go after I have completed a full psychological assessment with your cooperation and have determined you are not a danger to yourself or others." Dr. Sherman paused at the door to emphasize his point and then left Aaron alone again with his thoughts.

 

Walking up to Butler's Farm, Topher directed himself towards the house. He had asked Diane where James Barton lived and had been directed to his house. After awkwardly meeting Finn while Ross glared on from the living room, Finn told him that James was working on the farm. After being sent in the general direction of the farm, Topher decided to make his way on foot. 

As his way to the house, Topher saw a short-haired lady inside a goat pen, Topher smiled and called out to the woman. "Hello, is James Barton here?"

"He is tending to the cows. May I help you?" Moira removed her gloves and leaned against a wooden support on the pen. "I'm Moira. I run this farm. James works for me."

"I'm his second cousin. My name is Topher Westbrook." Topher offered out his hand and shook her's. Looking around the farm, Topher laughed, he was far from his comfort zone in such a rural area. "What direction are the cows?"

"I'll show ya. He should be close to done now." Moira moved through the gate and smiled at Topher. "I think you know our Adam? I'm his mum."

"Adam is a great guy. I got to meet Scrappy this morning." Topher followed Moira over to another area of the farm and noticed the smell changed a bit at their new location. Topher bit his lip hearing a moo from a cow, he did want to laugh and make an idiot of himself. He knew cows made such a sound but he wasn't sure if he ever heard one outside of a commercial or television show. "I was with Aaron in the hospital and he kicked me out. Figured I would introduce myself to my cousin."

"I think you left out knocking Ross on his ass." Moira laughed as she pulled open the main door to the barn. "Prat doesn't know when to quit, does he?"

Nodding his head in agreement, Topher continued to follow her through the barn, passing by stalls of cows as they went.

"James. A boy named Topher is here to see ya." Moira called out once they got closer to the man. James was sweeping up a mess in one of the stalls.

Turning his attention to the voice, James spotted Moira and his cousin. Coming through the gate of the stall, James brushed his dirty hands on his jeans and crossed his arms against his chest.

"Hi. My dad said you were..." Topher offered out his hand as he stepped forward. Topher's hand stayed out awkwardly un-shook for a second or two until he stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I phoned your parents after Ross texted me earlier that you gave him a black eye to go with his broken nose from Aaron." James narrowed his eyes at the boy. "Your parents were happy to know you were still alive and not surprised you were getting into trouble. However, they were real surprised you were here."

"I was going to call them after I landed but then I figured, 'What the heck? I'm an adult, I don't have to answer to them.'" Topher shifted his weight and debated adding more information. He didn't know what James knew so he decided to wait. His parents typically did not share their business with others, especially family members. Have to keep up good appearances, as his mother would say.

"True; however, I believe you probably should have told them you were going to take money from them and buy a plane ticket halfway around the world." James shifted his attention to Moira. "See Topher here decided to leave in the middle of the night with his parents' money. And then decided it wouldn't matter if he disappeared completely upon landing."

"If any of me children did that, I would be worried sick." Moira shook her head remembering when Holly was struggling with her addiction and would be away for days or weeks at a time.

"I'm nineteen and they were making decisions for me." Topher started but was interrupted again by James.

"Your parents said you were in the process of hospitalization for a mental health issue and you left against medical advice. Bribed a nurse to let you out a back door and off you went." James paused and lowered his arms to his sides. "Your parents are on their way here to collect you and I have been given the family duty of making sure you stay put for the time being. I thought I was going to have to come to you, but you helped me a great deal coming to me."

"I'm not going back with them." Topher looked down to his feet and then back up again. Weighing his options, Topher turned quickly on his heel and ran off through the barn and back toward the direction he came from. He knew he had age on James but James likely had a vehicle. Moving into the fields, Topher ran as fast as he could and let his mind go blank. He couldn't go back home. He woudn't be able to survive if he did.

 


	12. Chapter 12

It seemed like the walls were getting narrower and narrower around him as Aaron waited for the psychiatrist to return. His mother and Paddy had left, both needing to attend to their day-to-day lives and were not scheduled to return for few hours. Or until he was cleared for release

He had texted Robert and gotten no reply in return. He figured the text would be ignored but he needed to speak with him. Stupid American interfering in his business. What right did he have to even speak to Robert? Let alone tell him to get stuffed.

Robert was the only person he could talk to about what was going on in his head and it looked like he was gone for good now. Stupid ankle and stupid useless body which could do no good for him now.

Rocking his body back-and-forth slightly contemplating what was inside the plastic drawers around him, Aaron debated whether he could reach his new crutches beside the bed and stand to explore the drawers. Aaron was attempting to slowly move his body closer to the edge of the bed when he heard a knock on the door. Before he had time to respond, Aaron had two bobbies enter his room. One was older and male and the other a younger female.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Livesy." The woman spoke in a clear voice. "We're wondering if we could have a word with you about the assault."

"Sure. I had me head turned and I didn't see much." Aaron sat back fuller onto the hospital bed and moved his blanket higher around his waist from where it slipped in his attempt to move. "Everything went blank after the first blow to me head."

"Did the assailant speak to you? Anything you remember about their smell?" The male officer asked. "Anything memorable?"

"I just said that I was out with the first blow. Before that, I was lying with me head on the table. It was early and I felt ill." Aaron narrowed his eyes at the officers as his headache worsened. "Sorry, but I have nothing to say that might be of use."

"Please contact us if you remember something. Anything and give us a bell." The woman officer smiled before looking to her partner. "Let's track down Ross Barton for questioning next."

"Ross?" Aaron felt his stomach start to churn at the name. Dirty prat and his need to meddle in his affairs. "What do you have to ask him about?"

"Your mate who rang us, Adam, said you and Ross had a row recently and we have some questions about his whereabouts during your attack." The male officer motioned for his partner to head to the door before following her. Holding his hat close to his chest as he moved to leave the room, the officer turned back and said, "We have heard you have a long list of potential assailants and we will interview the lot of them."

Huffing his reply, Aaron watched as the door to his confinement closed and the thoughts rushed back through his head. 

Ross.

He had heard footsteps outside the portacabin and figured Adam was on his way in for the day. He waited as someone hesitated at the door and then moved into the small office. Not having the energy to raise his head, Aaron called out to his friend that he was early.

"Right on time to see you and your little lover boy having a secret rondevu in the scrapyard." Aaron had heard Ross' voice carry through the cabin and felt his heart stop for a couple seconds.

Aaron felt the nausea return thinking about Ross' revelation and the implications of having someone else know about them. Someone who hated Aaron right now and appeared to have no moral compass at the moment. Ross had probably shouted it to the village by now and Robert surely was never going to speak to him again.

Everyone would know what a mistake he had made falling for a married man. Everyone would know he had failed again. Losing Robert was his punishment. Just as having Robert only part time was his cross to bear as well.

Moving towards the end of the bed again to start his search of the room, Aaron ignored the pulsating pain in his stomach. It was not the pain he sought at the moment.

Once he had his legs on the side of the bed and he felt as if his legs would cooperate with his brain, Aaron reached for his new crutches propped up against the bed. His one perk of having his head smashed in was that the hospital had given him an updated pair of crutches to allow him better movement.

"Good, you are awake!" Topher shouted and he rushed in through the door and pressed it closed quickly before leaning his weight against the heavy door. "So, I'm sorry I spoke to the man and I know I shouldn't have messed with your personal affairs and all but I was wondering if you were up for a trip? Maybe go to an island? Are there any around here? Maybe Mexico! I loved the heat in Mexico. Never been to Australia but I figured that is an expensive airplane ticket. Do you have money? I can pay you back. Trust me, I'm good for it once we arrive. There is always that one tourist who..."

"What are you going on about?" Aaron took in the state of his new mate. He was flush and sweaty, with his chest heaving at his words, as if he had been running a long distance. His pupils also looked dilated and Aaron could tell he was pumped full of adrenaline by the way his body never stopped moving despite standing in one spot. 

"I have to go. He called them and they are coming. I can't be here when they are here. I can't do the math right now but I would believe I have some time before they arrive. International flight from Chicago or New York and then the packing. Mother can't leave without at least four alternative outfits for the day. Goodness forbid she is called to an exotic adventure and she doesn't have the right attire. Then taxi to here and finding me. I have time but it is limited. We will have to go now to avoid them I believe."

Pointing to his foot and then moving his arms around him, Aaron laughed, "Where am I going in this state? I'm in hospital and the psychiatrist as not clear me for..." 

Topher started pacing the small space between the door and Aaron's bed and then back again. "You have free will in this country? Some shrink doesn't need to release you for you to leave this hospital. People do it all the time. You have some new crutches and I could probably steal a wheelchair if you are more comfortable having wheels..."

"You are talking as if you are on something. What the hell is going on with you?" Aaron watched as Topher continued to pace the room and mumble to himself about plane tickets and living off the land for awhile before settling down.

"There is just so much to plan if we are going to leave today." Topher laughed to himself and abruptly stopped his pacing, as if something just came to him. "Oh, I forgot to do this."

Taking two large steps towards Aaron, Topher grabbed Aaron's face and kissed him hard on the lips before Aaron could process what just occurred.

It was weird to have lips on his that weren't Robert's and he was too startled to notice if he enjoyed the action before Topher moved back and began the pacing again.

"It will do." Topher mumbled to his self again and then looked around the room. "We have to go soon. Before they come. Can we go now?"

"You can't just kiss me!" Aaron shouted as he continued to watch Topher pace the room nervously. "Who is coming? And why do _we_ have to leave?"

"They are going to lock me up in some 'scared straight for poor confused boys who only think they want dick' treatment center." Topher stopped his pacing again and leaned in closer to Aaron so they shared the same air. "My parents are going to neuter me. They already tried to once but I left. Gave some male nurse in denial head and had him sneak me out the delivery door."

"You what?" Aaron sat confused. The calm person from the night before was gone and he barely recognized his new mate.

"I gave him a blowjob. Sucked him off. Went down on him. I don't know what expression you use here. I snogged his willy?" Topher sighed and then went back to pacing.

"You have to stop that. You are doing me head in." Aaron grabbed Topher's arm and held on tight to stop his movements. Topher pulled away as if burned and left Aaron struggling to find his balance given his previous head injury combined with exhaustion and aftereffects of sedation.

Topher pushed back his shirtsleeve to show his arm. There were new cuts near his inner elbow and a long row of neatly spaced scars running up his forearm. "They are still fresh."

Aaron had seen some of them before but he did not realize how many Topher had and the amount of time it must have took him to carve out such neat, even spaced marking. Aaron's cuts were rushed and in the heat of the moment, Topher's looked like they were planned and slowly executed. 

Hearing a knock at the door, both Aaron and Topher turned at the sound. 

"Have you thought about what I spoke of earlier?" Dr. Sherman asked as he walked in and saw Topher quickly cover up his arm and move away from Aaron. "I apologize, I did not realize you had a visitor."

"This is Topher. He is American." Aaron blurted out still in a state of confusion. There were too many thoughts going through his head and he didn't know which ones to attend to at the moment.

"Hello, American Topher." Dr. Sherman allowed the door to close behind him. "My name is Dr. Sherman and I'm on the psychiatric staff here. I know you are not a patient; however, I couldn't help but notice those fresh marks on your arms. If you would like, I could take a look at those for you. Assure they will not become infected."

Topher crossed his arms against his chest and stared the doctor down. "I'm good."

"I can see this is not the first time you have harmed yourself; however, it is my obligation to inform you that we can refer you to specialists who can provide guidance in such matters." Dr. Sherman spoke as he moved slowly into the room. He could tell Topher was on edge and he didn't want to provoke him into making an irrational choice due to feeling trapped. "Would you allow me to look at your arm so I could determine the next course of action?"

"I said, I'm good." Topher squeezed his arm closer to his body and kept his eyes on the doctor. He wasn't going back to the treatment center.

"Then I will have to ask you to leave the room. I have to evaluate your friend and we will need some privacy." Dr. Sherman sat in a car next to Aaron's bed and allowed space for Topher to leave the room without coming near him.

"I want him to stay." Aaron looked between the two. He was afraid if Topher left he either might do something further to injury himself or he would never see him again. He couldn't add that to his conscience given the other demons he carried with him. "Topher, please stay."

"Okay." Topher moved across the room, taking care to stay as far away from the doctor as possible, and took a seat in the other chair in the room. He didn't trust the doctor and Aaron needed him there so he would stay for now. But not for long. They were coming.

"I have thought about what you said earlier and I would like to answer your questions now." Aaron let out a deep breath and paused. "I will cooperate but I do not want to stay here any longer than I need to."

Dr. Sherman nodded his assent and reviewed with Aaron and Topher, since he was in the room as well, the nature of confidentiality and disclosure of information. The nature of the evaluation was to determine Aaron's likelihood of injuring himself or someone else, as well as determine potential underlying diagnoses that might contribute to his current functioning.

"Ask away, doc." Aaron felt the nausea and the panic rushing through him but he allowed himself to open up to the doctor. Having Topher in the room, although he appeared to be worse off than himself at the moment, or maybe because of it, was a comfort.

 


	13. Chapter 13

"He seems alright for a quack." Topher fidgeted with his hands as he slouched in the hospital chair and leaned his head back against the back of the chair. His long legs jutting out underneath the bed. His feet were tapping to their own tune and it was becoming harder and harder to sit still. He needed to leave. They needed to leave. "So, are you coming with me or what? Because I need to get far away from here before mother and father dearest arrive to drag me back to Iowa. I can't go back there. I can't see them. I just can't."

Dr. Sherman had finished his psychological assessment of Aaron and said he would like to go through his impressions and diagnoses with Aaron tomorrow. Meanwhile, he recommended the restraints remain off unless Aaron displayed aggressive behavior which would harm someone. Aaron was not pleased with knowing he needed to remain in the hospital for another day; however, he knew his medical doctor still wanted to complete the endoscope and reevaluate him once he was through with the fluids.

Chas and Paddy were due back soon. Chas reporting she was swarmed with questions at the Woolpack when everyone saw her new face accessory. She told them it was an accident, with her face being in the wrong place at the wrong time; however, it still made the pain in Aaron's stomach intensify. 

He couldn't leave her. Or Paddy. He had tried it before and it just didn't work for him. He needed them. They helped him sort out his thoughts and feelings. They kept him from being stupid and doing something rash.

And he couldn't leave Robert. He needed to explain to him. He also needed to make sure his mum and Paddy kept quiet about what he disclosed to them. They couldn't tell anymore. He needed to make sure they didn't tell anyone. Especially Robert. Robert couldn't know that he told. He would hate him and spin it all around on him. Robert was the best at self-preservation.

"Hello! Are you even listening to me? We have to leave. I can't stay here." Topher sat up and moved to sit on Aaron's bed so he faced him. His feet were still in constant movement and his hands found loose strings on the bedsheets to play with.  "You have never been anywhere like it before. It is Crazyville for Closet Cases and prisoners like me. I don't know what I'll do if I'm forced to go back there."

"You said you were nineteen. How can they force you?" Aaron watched Topher's fingers run through the loose string and then back again in a repetitive motion. His hands were smaller than Robert's and his fingers a bit longer. His hands looked like he used them. Not like Aaron's hands, which were worker hands, rough and worn over the years. But Topher's looked strong and delicate at the same time. Realizing he was staring at his hands, Aaron looked up to find Topher staring back at him.

"I'm not quite nineteen yet. More like seventeen and a few months." Topher grinned. "I also tend to mend the truth at times. Bad habits die hard."

"So you lied to me? I'm suppose to run off with someone I cannot trust? Leave me family and everyone I care about because you are too scared to stand up to your parents?" Aaron shook his head and tilted his head back so he was against the pillow. "I barely even know you. If I know you at all. You lie about anything else?"

"I'm still on probation...I was selling more than Abilify...Jesus' real name was Marcos...The assistant coach used to make me suck him off before games or he would make sure I stayed on the bench...my parents did not care that I was gone for a whole eight hours one day and they didn't not call the police looking for me because they didn't even care I was gone...I didn't see the polar bears either, I went up to the roof and wondered if my sister would be able see me from heaven from that far up if something happened to her..." Pulling at the string, Topher pushed back the tears in his eyes. He hated crying. "I've been hospitalized twice for attempting to kill myself. Once I overdosed on some of my medication. I was pissed when I woke up from that. The second time, I figured I would use something more lethal and bought a gun. My boyfriend at the time found me before I could pull the trigger and called my father. Then he never spoke to me again. The boyfriend, not my father." 

"Was the grandfather story real?" Aaron asked stilling Topher's hand from ripping apart the bedsheets.

"My parents needed to fly my sister to Boston for some new treatment and I couldn't go. So my grandfather took me in and hated every second of it. He hit me more than once before my parents returned. I never told anyone though because my sister needed everyone's attention." Topher stared at Aaron's hand over the top of his and moved so their fingers could intertwine. Aaron allowed it, so he kept them together while he continued. "Then she died and I started getting all the attention from my parents. They couldn't fix her so they needed to "fix" me. My father found me giving Kevin head before a game and off to the first treatment center I went. I played good boy and was released. Then I fucked Marcos' and back in I went. Again, played good boy and was released. Then first suicide attempt and hospitalized in an actual treatment center. Fell in love for real and released before I could get his contact information. Second suicide attempt and then my parents decided I needed a harsher form of treatment for my 'disease.'"

"What about your arms? That must have took you ages." Aaron moved his free hand to push up Topher's sleeves. Seeing the full words on his arm, Aaron could tell it was a homemade tattoo that read: Not broken, just bent. The tattoo was written across his lines of scars going up his left arm.

"I have a lot of time at night when I can't sleep. It started as one and then I wondered how many I could reach until someone realized I had them." Topher shivered as Aaron gently ran his finger up his arm counting each one. Twenty-seven total on his left arm. "My parents realized at number 21."

"I can't leave." Aaron traced across the words on Topher's arms slowly and then raised his eyes to met his. "I tried it before and it was a mess. Stay here and maybe we could talk some sense into your parents. My mum, you haven't even seen her at her finest. And Paddy, he could, well he could lend you an ear and tell you a stupid joke to make you laugh."

"I can't stay." Topher sighed and moved closer to Aaron. "I want to stay. No one has understood this. My arms and my behavior. No one understands. You understand. Your demons might be different but I believe they are kindred spirits with mine."

"So now what?" Aaron allowed himself to take in Topher. His bright blue eyes and brown hair that fell in soft waves around his head. A nose somewhat too big but perfect on his face. Full lips that narrowed in the corners. Only seventeen and his eyes betrayed his age, showing the hurt and the pain behind them. 

"Hell if I know." Topher laughed quietly. 

"Why did you kiss me earlier?" Aaron asked curious. The kiss was completely random and Topher had not spoken of it since.

"I was planning ahead and then started to worry if we could work as an item. I figured we would be good, but then I realized we never kissed. I needed to see if there was a spark before we ran away together." Topher blushed looking down at their hands again. "Bad decision made in the moment."

"Wasn't _bad_." Aaron sat up straighter. "Wasn't a proper kiss either."

"You offering to one up me on a kiss?" Topher moved his body closer yet and leaned forward slightly. Aaron's lips looked soft but he couldn't remember if they were given the frantic state he was in during the kiss.

"I wasn't saying that, just that I have had longer kisses with me dog." Aaron allowed himself to laugh at the frustration on Topher's face. "Yes, I compared you to a dog. What are you going to do about it?"

Leaning closer yet, Topher licked his lips quickly and then pressed his gently against Aaron's mouth. Swiping his tongue along Aaron's bottom lip, he let out a soft noise as Aaron open his mouth and their tongue met briefly. Hearing a similar noise from Aaron, Topher tilted his head further and deepened the kiss. Definitely a spark there.


	14. Chapter 14

Moaning into the kiss, Topher smiled against Aaron's lips and then moved his left hand higher to wrap around Aaron's head and pull him in closer. Aaron's lips were more than soft and he could feel the rough hairs of his beard against his cheeks, leaving him in sensory overload.

Wincing in pain, Aaron quickly pulled Topher's hand off his head and stared into his eyes. Topher's pupils were large with arousal and he was breathing heavily. Topher's other hand was resting on Aaron's uneasy stomach. Aaron pushed both of his hands off him and grasped them together in Topher's lap before retracting his own hands. Topher's eyes changed from aroused to confused.

Seventeen. Only seventeen. Aaron felt like his whole body hurt. His stomach from the worry and anxiety. His ankle from his stupidity. And his head from even more stupidity. The rest of his body had a general ache as if he was tired but restless at the same time. He couldn't leave. Topher was probably good for him in so many ways and most likely bad for him in many more ways. Seventeen.

"What?" Topher looked hurt. "You didn't like it?"

"No, my head." Aaron motioned to the back of his head. "Ross' head was right hard and you grabbed a bad spot is all."

"But the kiss? You felt it too, right?" Topher lowered his eyes and pulled down the sleeves of his shirt, feeling shy for the first time in ages. Falling for a boy was not part of his master plan and he knew his parents would only rip him away from Aaron forever. However, there was a spark between them and he didn't know if he could leave him just yet.

"The kiss was perfect." Aaron waited for Topher to raise his eyes and then gave him a brief smile. Noticing the blush move across Topher's face, Aaron knew his own face was probably just as pink.

Standing up suddenly, Topher began to pace again. They needed a plan. They need money and a place to go. They needed Aaron out of the hospital. They needed to go soon or they would be here.

"You what?" Chas allowed the door to shut into Paddy as she looked between the pair of boys. "What do the pair of ya need with money and a place to go? Go on, answer me!"

Realizing he must have been talking out loud, Topher looked to Aaron and then back to Chas and Paddy, who was pushing the door out of his way and coming into the room. Crap. 

"My parents are coming. I need to leave. I'm seventeen and kinda sorta violated probation when I stole the money and flew here. Europe is outside of my radius. We need money to leave soon. They are coming soon. James called. Lovely cousin that he is. I should have went to Australia. I don't have any family there." Topher continued to pace a short distance back and forth as he rambled on his answer. "We could go to Australia! Does Aaron have his shots? Can he fly internationally?"

Looking to Aaron for answers, Chas saw Aaron attempting to ignore her gaze.

The boy from before was gone and the new one appeared frantic and out of control.

Stopping Topher's pacing with a hand on Topher's arm, Chas stood her ground in front of Topher and spoke in a gentle tone, "Love, no one is going anywhere. Least of all Australia. We need to sit down and sort this out. Will you sit down with us?"

"There are only two seats." Topher's face fell and he looked completely lost. "Where will we sit? It is not polite to sit somewhere where everyone in your party cannot sit down. Paddy is a big man, he needs to rest his overworked feet."

"There is no need for me to sit." Paddy watched on as Topher's gaze moved between the two chairs in the room. The boy appeared as if he was under the influence of something. "Topher, what did you take?"

"Money from my mom and dad. I should have brought more but my mother only keeps so much money in her nightstand. It is for 'rainy days' as she call them. Well, it was down pouring for me so I took the money." Topher sat on Aaron's hospital bed and then looked down at his hands. He couldn't go back there. He couldn't. "I can't go back there. Don't make me go. Please, please, don't let them take me. I can't do it." 

"You need to start at the beginning and go slow." Paddy sat down in one of the free chairs and looked to Aaron to see his reaction to Topher's state. Aaron appeared confused as well.

Topher went through his whole story with Chas and Paddy, from his sister's death to Topher bribing a worker to allow him to sneak out of the "treatment center." There were some deviations from story; however, Topher managed to complete the story without too many redirects.

"Here is the deal: Allow Aaron to heal and stay put for now and we will speak to your parents. There are no guarantees; however, Chas and myself can have a way with words. We will all try to sort this out and go from there. Agreed?" Paddy watched Topher's body twitch with nervous energy as he thought through the proposal. 

"They are good at this. Can't get my mum to shut up half the time. And Paddy, he knows when to listen." Aaron reached out to rub Topher's back in small circles. Topher's body continued to twitch but he agreed to wait it out. 

Sighing at the crisis averted, Chas gave it a pause and then asked what the psychiatrist had told Aaron while they were away. Aaron went through some of the questions and what the doctor had told him. He also told them about the police and Ross knowing the affair with Robert. In the end, they all decided Aaron needed rest and the three left with the plan to return the next day.

Waking up in the morning, Chas knew something was wrong. Looking into Aaron's room and seeing all of Topher's things removed, she knew her feeling was right. Topher was gone.

Aaron's psychiatrist gave him his impressions, with a diagnosis of Depressive Disorder supported. The psychiatrist warned everyone to monitor Aaron's behavior and make sure he followed doctor's orders for recovery from his physical aliments, noting how interconnected mental and physical health can be for someone with Aaron's history. Aaron's endoscope identified gastric ulcers, likely related to the demands he had been putting on his body both mentally and physically.  Dr. Sherman also prescribed an antidepressant to help manage Aaron's mood dysregulation symptoms, with recommendation he initiate counseling services with a colleague of his who specializes in alternative methods to manage depressive symptoms. Given his overall health and history, the colleague agreed to provide his services free of charge if Aaron would agree to complete assessments analyzing the results of some of his newer methods of treatment to assess their effectiveness. After speaking with Chas and Paddy, Aaron agreed to the terms of treatment and scheduled his first session with Dr. Hoffmann. 

The police dropped their investigation of Ross given that neither side would give information surrounding the events of Aaron's attack at Holy Scrap. Ross and Aaron went back to ignoring each other; however, Aaron knew he was waiting for the right moment to exploit the fact he was aware of Aaron's and Robert's affair. 

Aaron and Robert had brief conversations with each other; however, Chrissie started getting suspicious of Robert's whereabouts when he was away from Home Farms and Robert quickly rushed to Chrissie's side to make things right with her. Telling Aaron he was just a fling and he should have never believed him when he said he loved him, Aaron finally realized how scared Robert was of losing his current way of life and all he could feel for Robert was pity. Well, most of what he felt for Robert was pity. 

Topher's parents arrived and left on the same day. James had informed them that Topher had been staying with Chas at the Woolpack and after making their rounds asking questions, they left their contact information in case Topher returned. They appeared generally worried for Topher and reported they just wanted to know he was safe; however, Aaron did not trust them.

Aaron's ankle healed and the ulcers subsided somewhat; however, Aaron could not forgive himself for Katie's death. He wanted to talk to Dr. Hoffmann about the events leading to her death and his part in the cover up, but he did not trust the doctor enough to give him all the information. Dr. Hoffmann sensed something was holding Aaron back; however, he told Aaron he would be ready to listen once Aaron was ready to share. 

Six months later, the police came around asking Aaron questions about Katie's death and whether he knew any information that could help them solve the murder investigation. Upon further inspection for sale, new evidence was found that suggested Katie's death might not have been completely accidental and the case was opened again for review.

Aaron felt torn between unburdening himself of the lie and implicating himself and Robert in her death. Aaron was still on a suspended sentence and the information would likely send him back to prison. The information would also ruin Robert's happy little family picture, with Chrissie and Robert announcing they were expecting next year.

At times when Aaron couldn't sleep at night, he thought about Topher and where he might be. He wondered if Topher was awake too. He wondered if Topher thought about him. He worried Topher was alone and likely making his bad choices. Sometimes, he even allowed himself to think maybe Topher was dead, either by his own hands or someone else's. On those nights, Aaron did not sleep at all.

Dr. Hoffmann had given him information of mood disorders and Aaron believed Topher was going through a manic state when he left in the middle of the night. Dr. Hoffmann reported the biggest indicator of progress for individuals with mood disorders was medication compliance and he knew Topher likely was not medicated.

Reaching to open the door to the Holy Scrap portacab, Aaron's hand hovered over the door handle when he realized it was already open. Adam was out of town on a business meeting and Robert had reverted to being a silent partner in all sense of the word. 

The door showed a forced entry and Aaron allowed himself to hope it was Topher on the other side of the door.

Pulling open the door and slowly moving his head inside, Aaron gasped at the sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The information provided in this story on mental illness and treatment is specific to the character. If you believe you are experiencing mental health concerns of your own, please seek professional consultation.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hello." Topher smiled from his spot sitting in a chair behind one of the office desks. The skin around his left eye was a yellowish-brown color and his upper lip looked like it was healing from a cut. "I hope you don't mind. I didn't know where else to go."

"Don't be daft, oh course you could come around." Aaron walked in with a slight limp, the morning was damp and his ankle tended to act up on cold mornings. Pulling off his cap, Aaron made sure the door was closed all the way. Topher must have broken the lock on his way in, so Aaron couldn't completely hide Topher away, but he wanted to try his best. "Look at the state you're in, you look knackered. When did you get in?"

"I don't know. It was sometime last night. A farmer-looking old man dropped me off at the edge of the village and I walked the rest of the way. It was late and I didn't want to wake anyone." Topher pulled his tattered jacket further closed as he stood and made his way toward Aaron. He was walking slow and favoring his left side. "Got into some trouble around Manchester and needed a place to lay low while I heal a bit."

Standing a half an arm's length away from Aaron and hugging his jacket tight to his body, Aaron was able to see how tired Topher's whole body seemed. From the dark circles under his eyes, to go with the bruise around his left eye, to the way his whole body seemed to fight gravity, Aaron was surprised he was able to stand.

"Can I?" Aaron asked while holding up his arms slightly. Topher answered by taking the last few steps and burying his head into Aaron's shoulder and wrapping his arms somewhat tight around his waist. Aaron felt Topher's body completely give way and he had to tighten his hold to make sure he didn't fall to the ground. "Hey, let's have a rest over there."

Guiding Topher to old couch in the room, Aaron sat down and watched as Topher laid himself down half on Aaron and half on the small couch. Hesitating slightly, Aaron rested his arm around Topher's back and watched as Topher instantly fell into a deep sleep with his face facing Aaron's stomach. There were smaller cuts and bruises around Topher's left ear and neck, with some dried blood on the back of his collar. From what Aaron could gather with his own experience with scuffles, it appeared as if Topher was in a fight. Checking his hands, both pulled up tight against his chest, Aaron didn't see any evidence to suggest Topher fought back.

Topher's face was thinner and he felt light in Aaron's lap. Wherever he had been, it did not appear as if he had been taking care of himself. The fit lad Aaron met months ago looked like a frail version of himself. Settling back into the worn couch, Aaron wished they were in his room where it was warmer and he could care properly for his mate. If he brought Topher back to the Woolpack, he would stir up all sorts of questions and Topher didn't look to be in a state to tend to the herd. Carefully pulling his cap onto Topher's head, Aaron tried to avoid pressure on any of the marks on his body. Hearing a slight whimper from Topher, Aaron paused and decided the cap was on as far as it needed to be. Looking around the portacab, Aaron took some deep breaths and attempted to settle the racing thoughts inside his own head. 

 

Aaron woke to Topher's cries of pain and looked down to see Topher in the middle of some sort of nightmare. Topher's legs were moving and his hands were white from their hold on Aaron's jacket.

"Shhhhh," Aaron rubbed his back gently and waited for Topher's body to settle, while repeating, "You are safe. Sleep. You are safe. Sleep."

Topher quieted and continued to sleep, with Aaron keeping his hand moving on his back and deciding to stay awake to keep watch.

It was lighter outside and the portacab was warming, with Aaron guessing it was probably around twelve o'clock. He typically went to the Woolpack to eat and he knew his mother would worry his he didn't call.

Shifting his body lightly, Aaron reached for his phone in his front pocket and texted his mum. _Busy at work. Come round after work with food please_

His mother and Paddy had kept their word and hadn't spoken of his confession about Katie and Robert to anyone. His mother and him had many chats about what Aaron professed and she told him that she was disappointed in his actions; however, she did not place blame solely on him. She told him that she would be a hypocrite if she couldn't understand that love made people do stupid things at times. She stilled loathed Robert though. Aaron did not know if she would ever be able to forgive Robert for his part in Aaron's bad choices and Katie's death.

Paddy checked in on Aaron at least once a week to make sure Robert was not attempting to start up their affair again. With the news of Robert's pending fatherhood, Paddy figured it was only a matter of time before old habits resurfaced and Robert would come looking for Aaron to fill some need he had that Chrissie could never fill. Aaron appreciated Paddy's concern; however, he vowed to himself he would never be in a relationship with someone who could treat him like that ever again.

Dr. Hoffmann and Aaron had explored Aaron's relationships with others over many sessions and Aaron had spoke of his affair with Robert. He still wasn't comfortable sharing his involvement in Katie's death with the psychologist; however, Aaron had given him all the other details. Their not-so legal meeting and their sneaking around, to Robert declaration of both love and disdain for Aaron.

Dr. Hoffmann had hypothesized that Aaron had a core belief that he was not worthy of love that stemmed back to his childhood. With both of his parents abandoning him at some point in his upbringing, Aaron had formed a negative view of himself. If the two people in the world that were suppose to love him unconditionally could not forgive his flaws, how was anyone else in the world? Both his parents had left him due to his actions; therefore, he was inherently bad and not worthy of a loving, caring relationship. 

When Aaron started having feelings for Adam, he _knew_ they were wrong and he tried to bury them. Men were not suppose to lust after other men. Men were not suppose to want to have a sexual relationship with another man. Men were not suppose to want to kiss their best mates. That was bad and Aaron was bad for having such thoughts. Their almost kiss had almost ruined their friendship. Adam was disgusted with him initially and Aaron took that as further proof there was someone wrong with him.

Jackson had loved Aaron but Aaron had no reference point as to what to do with someone who loved him and wanted to be around him. People who loved you only left you and broke your heart. Aaron threw all of his flaws at Jackson and Jackson continued to fight for the relationship. There were many factors that played into Jackson's departure from Aaron's life; however, in the end, Jackson had left him as well. Once again proving to Aaron's fragile psyche that people who loved you only ended up hurting you in the end.

Paddy, who Aaron trusted as much as he could trust another person, had also abandoned him along the way. He had a baby and Aaron was not welcome in the house. He needed to be removed because he was a danger to the household. Aaron= something wrong with him.

Dr. Hoffmann also hypothesized that Aaron threw himself into the relationship with Ed because of Aaron's decision to protect Adam. Taking the blame for Adam's rash decision to burn the garage allowed Aaron to escape from his troubles momentarily. If Adam had not attempted to burn the garage and Aaron was not forced to run away with Ed, their relationship might not have progressed past a few dates. Once the newness and the excitement of the relationship ended, Ed started getting more involved with his rugby career and was away from Aaron for longer and longer periods of time. Aaron was just starting to allow himself to feel again and Ed was realizing his focus needed to be on rugby to fulfill his dreams.  

Aaron had a few conversations with men in France; however, he didn't allow the relationships to develop into anything. Romantic relationship hurt too much.

Once he was home, sleeping with Finn was a drunken mistake. He needed to push Finn away because Finn was too nice to ruin his life. Finn deserved someone who could love him back and treat him right. Aaron felt he could do neither.

With Robert, Aaron knew he didn't have to worry about love and the messy details of a relationship getting in the way. Robert was using him and Aaron was using Robert. There was something flawed about Robert and Aaron felt comfortable around him knowing that. If Robert pushed him away or called him a bit on the side, then it fed right into Aaron's core belief that he was unlovable. He deserved the punishment Robert gave him because he was bad.

Dr. Hoffmann and Aaron were working on changing Aaron's negative automatic thoughts and exploring evidence that disproved his core belief. Dr. Hoffmann told Aaron it would be a lengthy process to change his views on himself completely; however, through work and self-reflection, there was hope for Aaron.

Looking down at the sleeping body in his lap, Aaron wondered if Topher was just another way to punish himself. Topher, who had his own demons to fight, was not the ideal person to start a relationship with at his stage of treatment. Dr. Hoffmann had even warned him about getting lost in Topher's troubles. Aaron had spoke of his worries surrounding Topher's safety and whereabouts during session and Dr. Hoffmann had warned him of the temptation to focus on others rather than himself. Topher's decisions and actions were for Topher to worry about, for he was the only one who could control them. Aaron's decisions and actions were for Aaron to worry about, for he was the only one who could control them as well.

"I'm sorry." Topher winced as he sat up and moved himself so he was sitting next to Aaron, but not touching him. "Look at me, falling asleep on you and taking away a whole day of business. I'm sure you have better things to do then be my pillow."

"What happened to you? Who did this?" Aaron ignored Topher's statements for now.

"After I left here, I hitchhiked to as far away as I could. I ended up in Manchester because I had no money and people are only so kind." Shifting back into the couch, Topher focused on picking at the dirt on his pants. "I didn't have a way to make money. Picking pockets was only making me so much, so..."

"Go on." Aaron tucked his leg underneath himself and turned to face Topher.

"I thought about your situation with the married man and my past experiences back home. There are men out there that are willing to pay for sex with other men because they can't get it elsewhere, whether it is that they are married or whatnot." Looking at Aaron quickly out of the corner of his healing eye, Topher didn't see a look of disgust so he continued. "I was willing to give a blow job for cash if they used a condom but I was not willing to go all the way. The ones that insisted on anal sex, well, I tricked them into getting a room and then running away with their cash once they were distracted. I guess you can only do that so many times before word gets around."

"So one of them hit you?"

"More than one actually. After the fourth beating I decided I needed to lay low for awhile. I wasn't making money anymore and I can't just go anywhere." Topher stopped picking at the spot on his pants and turned his full attention to Aaron. "Did they come here?"

Nodding his head, Aaron watched relief and fear pass over Topher's face. "They seemed really worried about you. They left their numbers in case you come back. They seemed willing to sort things out."

"That is what they say in public." Topher went to run his hand through his hair and was confused when he felt something on his head. Pulling off the cap, Topher laughed. "I had a cap like this when I was probably four."

"I was worried about you." Aaron lowered his voice and started to add to his confession but was stopped by a loud banging at the door. "It is me mum. You can trust her."

"No." Topher shook his head and pulled back into himself. "I don't want anyone except you knowing I'm here. I'm probably not her favorite person anyway, running off while you were in the hospital."

"Aaron! Open the door, me hands are full of things for your tea. Aaron!" Chas yelled from outside the door.

"Fine, let me chat with her and get the food." Aaron stretched as he stood, being forced in one position all day had took a total on his body. He had healed in the past six months since his hospitalization; however, sitting for long periods of time would make anyone stiff.

Opening the door quickly and shutting it just as quickly, Aaron stopped his mother from banging on the door with her elbow again.

"Oi, you stand me up for your lunch and then make me wait outside here with your tea." Chas voiced her annoyance with a tone showing she was teasing. "Well, let us in."

"Thank you for the food but the place is a mess. Someone broke the lock last night and trashed the place. And, yes, before you start, I already rung the police and they have a statement." Aaron reached for the bag of food and the warm drink, blocking Chas' entrance to the door. "I have to work late tonight. I'll be back later."

"Are you sure? I could help you!" Chas went to move around Aaron but was stopped before she could.

"After working all day? I know your show is on telly soon. Go on and let me be an adult. I can sort this." Aaron smiled from his spot blocking the room.

"You sure? You aren't hiding a bloke in there are ya? It isn't Robert, is it?" Chas went to peak inside the door again and was blocked once again.

"I have no desire to hide Robert from you." Aaron narrowed his eyes. "I promise he is not in there and you do not have to fuss over me anymore. Go home and see if that woman is out of her coma yet. You have been talking about it all week."

"Well, okay." Chas looked around the scrapyard looking for signs of anyone else there. "Ring me if you need anything. You come before a soap."

"I know." Aaron smiled and nodded as she turned to walk home. Waving the drink at Chas, Aaron waited until she was out of the sight before he went back inside.

"I don't like lying to her." Aaron handed over the food and the tea. "I have done that enough. Healthy relationships are based on truths and the courage to be honest with people."

"I see you are taking your therapy sessions to heart." Topher torn into the bag and started eating. Everything smelled so good. He had been short on cash recently and any food he had had needed to be stolen.

"Shut it." Aaron began to pace the floor. "You can't stay here overnight again. It is suppose to be colder yet tonight."

"I'm not going back to your place. And the B&B is out of the question." Topher said between bites of food. "And I have no money."

"There is a car here that works enough to get us to Hotten. We will get you a room there and then go from there." Aaron nodded at his idea and started going through the desk drawers for the key.

"I can't have anything in my name. I don't want my parents knowing where I am. Good intentions or not, I'm not going back to that treatment center." Topher took a drink of the tea and swore when he burnt his tongue.

"Fine, we will put it in my name." Aaron found the key and showed it to Topher. "You can hide in the back with a blanket over you until we are out of the village. Let's go before anyone else pays us a visit."

"What about the lock?" Topher continued to eat his sandwich as he gathered his trash and threw it away. "Sorry about that, by the way. Let me turn a trick and I can pay you back, promise."

"Get in the car and stop being an ass." Aaron gently pushed him in the direction of the door. "No more tricks for you."

Both men looked before they left, with no one around who appeared to be taking notice of the scrapyard. Putting a makeshift lock on the door, Aaron was not worried about anyone else breaking in. Adam would be back tomorrow and there was no money left on site. He would have it properly fixed later.

Throwing an old coat over Topher in the backseat, Aaron started the car and hoped it would make it to Hotten.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Upon arriving in Hotten, Aaron realized they would need to find Topher new clothes and some basic essentials. He didn't want to ask, but it appeared as if Topher had not had access to new clothes or a shower in some time. Topher told Aaron not to fuss over him and that he would make do with what he had, but Aaron had insisted.

The hotel room was modest but it looked clean. Topher's room had one queen-sized bed and one chair, with a television and small bathroom. Topher gathered his new clothing and went to take a shower, with Aaron kicking off his shoes and focusing on finding something decent to watch while leaning against the headrest of the bed. Shaking off a feeling of déjà vu, Aaron avoided the sports channel and attempted to find a movie channel.

Aaron was halfway into a romantic comedy Paddy would have loved when he realized Topher still had not turned off the water. Knocking on the door, Aaron waited almost a full minute without a response.

"Did you drowned in there?" Aaron knocked again, this time louder than before.

"I'm fine. I'll be out soon." Topher shouted back.

Hearing the shower curtain slide back and the water continue to run, Aaron went back to the movie and started to become restless. He hardly had any movement throughout the day and his ankle was still protesting the cold morning.

Standing, Aaron texted his mother he would return in the morning and not to wait up for him. Then he sent her another text before she could respond and told her it wasn't Robert he was with. Moving to the small hotel window, Aaron looked out at the holiday lights lining the street. The sun had completely set but people were still rushing up and down the streets. The hotel was in the busier part of town and Aaron had many people to observe as they moved about their lives. Bar West was down the street a bit and Aaron wouldn't have minded a drink; however, he doubted Topher was in a state to hang out in a bar.

Topher had been quiet on the drive into town. Once they left the immediate village, Aaron stopped the car so Topher could move into the front seat. He appeared to be moving slower than before and favoring his left side more, but he told Aaron he was just healing from a kick to the ribs and he was fine. Probably a broken rib or severely bruised rib; nothing that wouldn't fix on its own. In the front seat, Topher leaned his head against the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes. It took Aaron gently shaking him to wake him once they reached town. 

He had moved slowly through the store, allowing Aaron to pick out all the items with only a nod of approval from Topher. Aaron half excepted Topher to go back to bed once they finally reached the hotel room; however, the thought of having a warm shower was too much to resist.

Opening the door and walking out with a cloud of steam, Topher looked even thinner in the new clothing.

"It wasn't the Waldorf Astoria but it was a nice shower." Topher threw his old, tattered clothes to the ground next to the chair in the room and delicately made his way to the bed and laid down. "I haven't had a decent cleaning in awhile. I must have smelled to high-heaven."

"I wasn't going to say anything, but you were quite ripe." Aaron lowered the volume on the television and took in the site of Topher laid out on the bed. Aaron had avoided long-sleeve shirts when picking out Topher's new clothes to assess whether there would be any new markings on his arms. From what Aaron could tell, all his marks appeared old and scarred over. 

"I don't have any new ones if that is what you are not so subtlety gawking at." Topher looked up out of the corner of his eye, too exhausted to move his whole head to give Aaron a look. "Customers don't like buying damaged goods."

"What happened? The full truth this time and not a Topherism." Aaron watched Topher fidget with his hands as he asked his question. 

"Did you just use my name as a verb? Are we to that point in our relationship?" Topher laughed and attempted to avoid the question for as long as possible.  

"Yes and go on with it." Aaron took Topher's hands in his own to stop their fidgeting. "No judgments here. I'm concerned for ya." 

"I told you the truth. I was selling blow jobs and needed more cash. I didn't want to fuck this guy, some real asshole looking dude, and he beat me up before I could steal his money and run off." Topher took his hands back and pushed himself up higher on the bed to rest his back against the headboard. Wincing at the pain, Topher took a couple deep breaths before he continued. "He told me if he ever saw my face again, then he wouldn't stop until I was dead. It was only a warning beating. I had some others get violent with me, but he was the first I believed would follow through on his word. So, I legged it here." 

"Why were you in the shower so long?" Aaron asked while turning his attention back to the television as to not stare. "Did he do anything else to you?"

"He did some...he said he paid and I needed to follow through on my word." Topher pulled at the bottom of his shirt and sighed. "At least he left me the money."

"Did he use something?" Aaron asked gently.

"I think so. It was a blur after he kicked me in the ribs. I used my self-harming skills and focused on the pain to zone out." Topher moved to picking at the blanket on the bed. "He threw me out of the room with my jeans around my ankles and I didn't have anywhere to go afterwords. I thought about you and decided to make my way over."

"Shit. You need to be tested and examined by a doctor. You could have more than just a few broken ribs." Aaron felt himself getting upset at the stupidity of the whole situation. "What the hell was going through your head anyway? You didn't need to leave and do that to yourself. I waited for you to come back and then nothing. I imagined you dead. I couldn't sleep at night because I kept wondering where the hell you were and if you were safe or not."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't go back there. You don't understand. They say one thing and they treat me completely different." Topher moved to lay his head on Aaron's chest and wrapped his arm around his waist. Ignoring his own pain, Topher attempted to get Aaron to forget in a different way. Pulling at Aaron's shirt, Topher moved his hand underneath the shirt and gasped as Aaron's hand grabbed him tight around the wrist.

"Stop." Aaron allowed Topher's head to stay on his chest but he wanted no part of Topher's hands on him after what he confessed and the condition Topher's body was in. "You don't need to do that with me. I'm your mate. I want to listen and I want to help. You don't need to have sex with me to keep me around."

"Do you think about me more than a mate?" Topher wrapped his arm around Aaron's waist again and closed his eyes, suddenly completely exhausted. As he drifted off into sleep again, Topher rambled softly, "Because I do you. More than a friend. I mean, I want more than a friend. I want you more than a mate."

Watching Topher drift off to sleep again, Aaron wondered if he could handle Topher as more than a mate. He hadn't even been back for 24 hours and Aaron was already hiding things from his mother and sneaking off to rent hotel rooms.

His psychologist had warned him to not allow himself to become wrapped up in Topher's issues. That Aaron needed to sort his own self out before attempting to help his troubled mate. Topher needed someone and Aaron felt like he was the only person Topher had at the moment. Aaron had so many people in his life that cared for him and had helped him despite his demons. Without them, Aaron wouldn't know where he would be. He wanted to be that for Topher.

Deciding nothing would get sorted until Topher was fully awake again, Aaron turned his focus back on the television and watched the end of the sappy film. Girl finally realized her male best mate was everything she ever wanted in a partner and the movie ended with a wedding celebration. If only real life was as easy as the movies. Aaron fell asleep imagining Adam and him exchanging vows in front of their families. 

 

"What time is it?" Aaron rubbed the top of his head and sat up. Topher was standing looking out the window to the still dark sky.

"Probably close to six. I woke up around five and couldn't sleep anymore." Topher sat on the edge of the bed closest to Aaron and stared at him in the darkened room. Aaron's face was covered in shadows from the small light coming through the window. "I want to kiss you."

"I want you to talk to your parents." Aaron deflected the question and went in a new direction. "I want you to talk to them and tell them you are staying here, with me. No more secrets and hiding. I can't do it anymore."

"Selfish me. I haven't even asked you how you have been!" Topher felt horrible. His head was finally clearing from the drugs he had been using to numb the pain and he felt like the worst person in the world. "How is the married man situation? Your stomach? Your mom's face?"

"I think I'm going back to prison." Aaron ran his hands across his face. "The police have been asking questions and I think I need to turn myself in. Tell the truth. That married man and I covered up a death...or a murder. I'm not entirely convinced Robert didn't kill her himself and than rang me to help him hide the truth. I have been gutted ever since and I think it is time to tell them. I need to clear me conscience and allow the chips to lie where they may."

"Aren't we the pair of sorry sacks?" Topher moved his hand slowly up Aaron's arm. "I don't just want to fuck you to keep you around. I want more from you. It was hard being away from you. I felt it as soon as I saw you that day. I've missed you. I told myself a thousand times to just come back, but I kept envisioning my parents dragging me back to the states and never seeing you again."

"So here is the plan." Aaron stopped Topher's wandering hand from going down further on his stomach into his lap. "You get tested and examined. I'll talk to the police and confess my crimes. You call your parents and tell them you want to chat. I'll serve me time and we can start on a relationship once I'm released. You can fill in at the scrapyard for me while I'm away."

"You got this all planned out, don't you?" Topher gave a sad laugh and pulled Aaron closer to him. "What about my kiss?"

"Here is the plan for that." Aaron leaned his forehead against Topher's as he spoke. "I need to brush me teeth and use the loo before I'm in any state to give you a proper kiss."

"Deal."

"Deal to brushing or deal to my first plan." Aaron pulled back and attempted to see the reaction on Topher's face in the still dark room.

"Deal to both." Topher stood and waited for Aaron to follow. "We'll both have to brush our teeth though. I don't want to be known as the smelly, unclean one all the time."

"You actually smell quite nice." Aaron smiled as he pulled Topher's hand gently towards the bathroom. "Now. Not before." 

"Oh, do one!" Topher laughed following Aaron as fast as his body would allow him at the moment.


	17. Chapter 17

If Topher was nervous about completing the tests to assess for potential sexually transmitted diseases or infections, he did not show it. Brushing the back of his hand against Aaron's arm, Topher ignored the personal health questions on the form and attempted to steal another kiss from Aaron. He had stolen three since they sat down in the plastic waiting room chairs, much to Aaron's embarrassment of showing such affection in a place where people were learning their fates.

"Topher." Aaron pulled back from the peck on his lips and redirected Topher's attention to the form in his lap. "Finish it, please."

"Why, look how pink you are!" Topher laughed to himself while he shook his head and went back to answering the health questions. "You are no fun, mister."

"I'm not used to it, is all. Jackson kissed me in public, but it was rare. It being new and all for me. Ed would kiss but it was around people we knew. And you know about Robert." Aaron watched as Topher answered the personal questions quickly and with no regard for the sensitiveness of the question. _Do you have anal sex with men? Have you had unprotected anal sex with men? Have you had a man ejaculate into your rectum? Have you had oral sex with men? Do you allow men to ejaculate into your mouth? How many sexual partners, male or female, have you had? Have you ever been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease or infection? Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an individual with a sexually transmitted disease or infection? Have you ever used intravenous_ _drugs? Have you shared a needle with someone else while using drugs? Do you use illegal substances?_ Etc.

Noticing the majority of the questions were answered in the affirmative, Aaron turned away from the sheet and started to bite his thumbnail.

"You should do this too!" Topher spoke loud enough to briefly get the attention of the six other people in the room. Ignoring them, he continued. "Please, it will be better to do it together. Who knows what the man-whore has been with? Have you been tested before?"

"Ed and I did, once. He said it would be important for our relationship to get tested. I had only been with Jackson and him. Always protected. Well, I guess Vic and Holly too." Aaron stopped to think. "All those other ones would be no."

"You had sex with Vic?" Topher said loud enough to get everyone's attention again. Giving them a quick wave, he turned back to Aaron. "Adam's Vic?"

"She was my first. It was a long time ago, she wasn't with Adam then. Holly is Adam's sister. He was more upset about that than Vic." Aaron looked around the clinic room at the positive, motivation posters on the walls meant be give people courage to face the tests and life following negative results. "Fine."

Once Aaron sat down with his own inventory form, Topher glanced over as Aaron answered his own questions. Aaron answered the majority of the questions with no.

"You know, Ross made a comment about going through the Bartons when Adam and I confronted him on that day he put you in the hospital. It makes more sense now." Noticing more no's on Aaron's form, Topher switched the topic slightly in an attempt to not stew over the fact Aaron and his sexual histories were dramatically different. "Hey, what ever happened with that? Did Ross get what was coming to him?"

"The police questioned him and he denied everything. His brother gave him an alibi and there was no evidence to put him at the portacab. The case was left unanswered." Aaron finished his form and then turned it over in his lap so the others in the room would not pry into his business. "Ross was there when Robert and I met that morning. He saw us kissing. I thought he was going to use that against me, but he has kept quiet about it. Ross and me are fine now. I never told Robert about it. Robert and I don't even talk anymore. They are having a baby. Chrissie and him." 

"No shit!" Topher shouted again and only got one glare in return from an older-looking man across the room. Smiling seductively at the man, Topher ran his tongue along his upper lip and winked. "Hi."

"Would you stop? You are getting on me nerves." Aaron glared over at Topher in turn. "Are you on something? Or is this a symptom of your diagnosis? Is this a manic phase?"

"Don't you sound like a shrink. Well doctor, I have some raging pain in my side right now so I have been using a bit of medication to help alleviate the pain." Pulling at the bottom of his shirt, Topher continued. "I had the money from the guy. What better way to put it to use? I think the first batch of stuff just made me sleep. These ones are adding some pep to my step."

"You are acting like a child." Aaron sank back into his seat and lowered his head.

"Oh, Aarie, am I getting on your nerves?" Leaning over and placing his hand on Aaron's crotch, conveniently hidden from view by the clipboard holding his form, Topher kissed along Aaron's ear and whispered. "I like winding you up."

"Topher?" A female nurse called from the entrance to the back rooms.

"I'll be back! Rest at ease." Topher stood up and shouted out to the waiting room as he waved his arm around, as if he was dismissing his court.

"Stupid idiot." Aaron mumbled as he subtlety adjusted himself and avoided the eyes looking at him due to Topher's display. He liked Topher. The make-out session they had prior to leaving the hotel room was nice. Aaron made sure to be gentle with him given his injuries; however, Topher wouldn't allow him to be too gentle and pulled Aaron tight against him. Aaron had a bruise on his upper arm and back from Topher's grip and another kind of bruise on his neck from Topher's mouth.

Topher was a horrible mess but he was exciting. Being around him was exciting. The feeling of understanding Jackson provided for him, the ease of comfortably Ed provided for him and the thrill of being close together that Robert had provided for him all wrapped up in one person. His therapist had warned him to not allow himself to get wrapped up in Topher's issues, yet he wanted to be here. He wanted Topher to rely on him. He wanted Topher to want to be with him.

Aaron stayed lost in his thoughts until he own name was called.

 

"I knew it! You were hiding a bloke from me!" Chas smiled as Topher and her son walked into the living area behind the Woolpack. "Thank God it is not that slimey prat you are hanging around with."

Wrapping Topher in a hug, Chas pulled back quickly when she heard the gasp of pain. "What is it love?"

"I got in a bad way before I came back. Or more, I came back because I got in a bad way." Topher eyed the sofa before sitting down on it gently. "The nurse at the clinic agreed that I probably broke a few ribs. She wrapped me up and I should be good in a few weeks."

"What happened to ya?" Chas went to make everyone tea. "Where have you been? We have been worried sick. You just up and legged it without word to anyone."

"I couldn't face them and I cannot go back with them." Topher smiled as Aaron sat next to him on the sofa. Grabbing Aaron's hand and squeezing it tight, he looked back to Chas' back as she went about making them tea. "Please do not call them. I promised Aaron I would later, and I will, but I can't do it right now."

"Promised Aaron, eh?" Chas smiled as she turned around. Coming closer with the cups, Chas' smile increased when she saw them holding hands. "Are my Aaron and you an item?"

"Mum!" Aaron went to pull his hand back but Topher would not allow it.

"Yes. I love it when my man is bashful." Topher joked with Chas while Aaron ripped his hand away and took the hot cup of tea.

"Aren't you two the cutest?" Chas teased and blew into her cup while looking between the two men. "Finally, someone that doesn't make me want to gag."

"Oi!" Aaron shot his mother a look. Finding he was being ignored, Aaron went back to drinking his tea while Topher and Chas caught up on the six months since they had seen each other last.

 

"Mum." Aaron knocked on her door later that night. Hearing her consent, Aaron went through the door and then closed it behind him. Topher was already asleep in his bed, coming off of whatever medication he was using to manage his pain.

"You look serious." Chas frowned as she patted a spot next to her on the bed.

"I'm going to talk to the police tomorrow." Aaron sat and let the information sink in for his mother. After some time, he continued. "I can't keep living a lie. I'm going to tell them everything that happened and let the court determine what will happen next. They are questioning Katie's death again and I can't just stand back and say nothing. I have an appointment with Dr. Hoffmann and then I'm going to the police station."

"I don't want you to have to pay for his crime..." Chas stopped Aaron from interpreting her with a hand on his forearm. "However, I am proud of you for taking a stand and telling the truth. Katie would have wanted the truth to come out. Her need to get the truth out played a big role in her death; it shouldn't be in vain."

"I'm sorry." Aaron's eyes started to become red and tear up, with each word harder to say. "I'm so sorry. For Robert and Katie and lying. For hurting myself."

"I know." Chas moved closer and wrapped her arms about Aaron as he cried. "We will sort this out and put it all behind us. Robert has it coming. He can either admit the truth himself or fight ya, but it is what is right."

"I'll go back to prison. I need you to watch out for Topher." Aaron pulled back so he could look at his mother. "He needs looking after and I will not be around. Make sure he is being healthy and making positive choices. He is going through some pain meds right now and I hope he will stop when he runs out. I told him he can work at the scrapyard with Adam while I'm away. Give him a steady job to keep him busy until he is ready to ring his parents."

"Oh course, love." Chas pulled Aaron back in for another hug. "Maybe they will go easy on ya given you are telling them everything." 

"Maybe. Maybe not." Aaron stood from the hug and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I have to go check on Topher. He has been having bad dreams and I think he hurts himself when he tosses around in his sleep." 

"I'm happy you two have found one another." Chas smiled as she wiped her own tear. "Well, go on now, be with your man. Don't worry about your lonely old mum sleeping in her bed alone." 

"Mum!" Aaron made a disgusted face as he closed the door to her room. 

Walking into his own room, Aaron let out of sigh of relief seeing Topher was still there. He knew it was an irrational thought, thanks to his therapy sessions; however, he still worried that Topher was going to run off again the moment Aaron took his eyes off him for more than a moment.

Sliding into the bed, Aaron laid down next to Topher's sleeping form and allowed all the possibilities the next day might bring to go through his head. Pushing back some loose strands of hair in Topher's eyes, Aaron moved in closer so his legs and arms could touch Topher. It would be hard leaving him to serve his prison sentence, but it would be worth it get his this ever-growing burden off his shoulders.

Debating whether he should tell Robert or not, Aaron went back and forth with what to do. Robert probably wouldn't tell him if their roles were reversed. Knowing how selfish Robert was, Robert probably wouldn't give Aaron the courtesy of a warning that his whole life might change very soon. Robert might even spin it so it make Aaron look like he was all to blame for her death.

Andy.

He would tell him before he went to the police. He owed him that much.

But for now, he was going to take in the smell of the man in his bed and the sound of his soft breath while he slept. The feel of his body so close to his own. He would going through all the senses, practice some mindfulness skills and will his body to relax.


	18. Convergence

"I'm dead proud of ya." Paddy started and then looked down at his hands. "But, are you willing to get banged up for this mong?"

They were standing outside the Woolpack, both bundled up due to the cold weather and the threat of snow starting to fall again. Chas and Topher were waiting for them with a pint at the bar but Paddy wanted to chat with Aaron in private.

"I'm not doing this for 'im. I'm doing this for me." Wiping his nose with the back of his glove, Aaron turned away from Paddy and looked out across the lightly snow covered streets of Emmerdale. "I've been doing well with therapy and working on some of my 'demons.' I'm in a good place now and I can face this. I cannot move forward unless I tell this truth."

"What does Dr. Hoffmann think about ya going to the police and admitting to your part in Katie being at Wylie's Farm?" Paddy stepped back to lean against the wall next to the entrance. Aaron had spoken to him briefly over the months about his sessions with the psychologist; mainly sharing that he was talking and things were improving. Aaron hadn't self-harmed in over four months and appeared to open up more around his family and friends. Paddy could tell Aaron trusted the man.

"He doesn't know I'm planning on it yet. I have a session with him after I speak to Andy. However, he will likely say I need to assure myself that I was thinking through the long-term consequences for the decision and I need to choose whatever choice I can live with." Turning to watch Topher laughing with his mother inside the pub, he saw Topher hold his side as if in pain. Topher looked happy for the moment but he was worried about him. The pills he had bought appeared to manage the pain a bit, but they had some interesting side effects. Coming back from his thoughts, Aaron rolled his eyes at Paddy's concerned father face. "I can't live with this lie. It has been literally beating me up inside and I have to come clean. End of."

"Here he comes." Paddy elbowed Aaron to get his attention away from Topher. Aaron appeared smitten with the lad and often turned his attention to him throughout conversations with others.

"Hello, Paddy. Aaron." Andy nodded at them both before attempting to pass them.

"Andy, can I have a word?" Aaron stopped him from entering. "Alone, if we could."

"Sure. Everything alright?" Andy's eyes clouded over and he looked mildly anxious. His state of mind was still fragile and everyone in the village still made sure to not burned him unnecessarily.

"Can we do this at yours?" Aaron ignored the question for now. All would come out in due time. Heading towards Andy's house, Aaron looked back briefly to give Paddy a reassuring nod and to make sure Andy was following him. His stomach was turning in circles and he could feel the rest of his body begin to react to his nerves.

"I don't expect you to forgive me and I'm only telling you this because you deserve the truth." Aaron began once the door was shut and he was assured they were alone in the house. Biting the corner of his thumb, Aaron felt his heart beating faster and his lungs struggling for air. Pausing himself for a minute to center his thoughts, Aaron closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I texted Katie to come to the farm and I saw her there before she died."

"You what?" Andy's whole body appeared to sag from the news and his eyes greyed.

"Katie suspected Robert was having an affair and she was right." Aaron fought with himself to not move around too much. Taking another slow breath, he continued. "She was right and I had proof."

"What proof?" Andy rubbed his forehead and moved to sit at the kitchen table.

"Robert and I were together. Then." Aaron watched the confusion wash over Andy's face and took another breath before he continued again. "We had been seeing each other for a couple months and I was sick of Robert lying about it. Katie was upset after the caravan caught fire and I had enough. I told her I had proof and I would provide it to her. I texted her to come to Wylie's Farm the day she died. She took a picture of Robert and I kissing. Robert starting going on about how it meant nothing. About how I meant nothing to him and I had to get away from him. I left her with Robert."

Andy sat motionless as he stared down at the table.

"Later, Robert rang me and said I needed to come back. Something had happened." Aaron slowed down his words as he spoke and pushed through the tears falling from his eyes. "When I got there, he was standing there. Next to her...her body on the ground."

Pausing, Aaron wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands and then continued. "We decided we couldn't ring the police. He decided. He started going on about my suspended sentence and how it would look that I sent her there. He said they wouldn't believe us and we needed to remove all the evidence of us being there and do one."

Still not getting a reaction from Andy, Aaron started walking toward the table and then stopped himself. "I have been holding onto this secret since that day and I have been gutted since then. It almost destroyed me and I couldn't tell you before now. I wanted to, but I was scared. Scared of what would happen if the truth came out. Afraid of what I might do to myself if anyone knew. I almost killed myself more than once because of this."

"Why now?" Andy sat up rigid and looked up at him with dead eyes. "Have you decided to finish the deed?"

"I'm going to my therapy appointment and then going to the police. I wanted you to know before they come back around and the village starts chattering on about it." Aaron wiped away more tears and told himself to keep his eyes toward Andy. "I'm not going to tell the police about Robert. They can sort that out for themselves. I will confess my part and face court."

"My brother killed my wife?" Andy slouched back into the chair and almost seemed like he was talking to himself. "Robert killed Katie."

"I don't know what happened when I was away. When I got back to the farm, she was already dead for sometime." Aaron shifted his feet and felt his stomach burning from the inside out. "He said he tried to stop it when the floor gave way. He tried to save her but she fell and he couldn't do anything more."

"My brother killed my wife. You know about this all along and you told no one?" Andy slowly rose from his chair and moved closer to Aaron, his whole body rigid and his eyes blank with grief. "Katie is dead and you knew all along. You knew?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't back then and I can now." Aaron stood his ground against Andy's unflinching form. "I will tell the police and go back to prison."

"Tell 'em about Robert." Andy stopped in Aaron's personal space and glared into Aaron's eyes. "Tell 'em my batty man brother killed my wife and then tell 'em they can ring me to find his body."

"Andy!" Aaron called after Andy as he moved quickly out of the house. Andy was in his truck and barreling down the road before Aaron could stop him.

"Dammit!" Aaron pulled out his phone and dialed 999.

 

Aaron was unable to make his therapy appointment with Dr. Hoffmann due to his detainment; however, Paddy had informed the psychologist of Aaron's arrest and involvement in Katie's death. The whole village was talking about the shocking turn of events and Paddy was sure the papers would pick up the news soon.

Topher was upset Aaron was taken away due to the arrest at Home Farms before they had time to say goodbye. The police had stopped Andy from seriously harming his brother; however, in the end, all three of them were arrested. Andy on the assault charge and Aaron and Robert on suspicion of murder and lying to the police.

Aaron confessed everything to the police, his own face bloody due to stepping between the brothers as they fought. He told them about the affair and Katie finding them kissing. About how Robert asked him to cover up the scene of her death and how they had been lying to everyone about what truly happened to her. Robert began screaming hateful things to him, but once Aaron started his confession, it was as if he could not stop until everything was out. His body was exhausted but his mind was finally clear after almost a year of lies and deceit.

Topher received his test results back from the clinic and took the miraculous clear bill of health as a sign to call his parents. He told them he wanted to speak and he was not coming home until they had a full discussion about what was to occur if he did go back to America. His parents informed him they were willing to speak to him and they would fly out in a week to have the conversation with him.

Meanwhile, Topher rested in Aaron's room while he healed from his injuries. He had yet to speak to Aaron; however, Chas and Paddy had informed him that his court date was soon. Given the suspended sentence and the multiple violations while on the sentence, Aaron was to be detained until court and was only allowed a limited number of approved visitors.

Robert was released until his court date given his lack of criminal record; however, Chrissie had all of his belongings moved out and the locks changed while he was detained overnight. She had his things delivered to the manure heap behind a neighboring village's farm and had slipped the address under the door when he attempted to enter back into the house.

Before Aaron could have his court date, Topher's parents arrived and he met them at their hotel. His mother had tears in her eyes, but she did not make an effort to hug him. His father was more stoic and simply informed Topher that he would have to serve jail time due to his probation violations. Topher told them he would serve his sentence at a state or federal facility; however, he was not going back to a private therapy facility and if he was forced, he would find a way to run again. And this time, they would never hear from him again.

His parents agreed to his terms and quickly began to make arraignments to return to the States. His parents ignored the Bartons during their trip and left the following morning with a tearful Topher with them. Upon arriving back in Illinois, Topher was arrested for his violations and sent to a medium security correctional facility given his flight risk. He had six months added onto the length of his original sentence; however, he was to serve the time in a correctional facility. His lawyer told his parents that if Topher was a model inmate, he would likely be released to probation again in six months. Topher would need to stay out of trouble and meet all the conditions of the probation for the remainder of the sentence before the judge would terminate his probation.

Topher wished to serve his time and return to Emmerdale, with the goal the only motivating factor keeping him clean from substances and out of trouble at the correctional facility. Physicians at the facility were able to attend to his wounds and Topher was given a semiprivate room during the few weeks of his stay due to the two broken ribs. 

Aaron was given a similar sentence following the murder trial. Aaron was not charged with the death itself; however, he was sentenced to five years due to his involvement, lying to the police and violating his original sentence. Aaron's lawyer informed him that if he was a model inmate, he would be able to released in a year and a half. The remainder of his sentence could be served on a suspended sentence and/or parole.

Robert was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to five years in prison and at least five years supervision following release. Following the birth of his child, Chrissie served Robert with parental termination papers and the court removed his rights to his daughter. Vic and Diane continued to visit Robert on occasion; however, no one else in the village would speak of Robert following the news of his involvement in Katie's death and the methods he went to to cover up his crime.

Six months into his sentence, Topher received a postcard from Yorkshire and spent the next 24 hours re-reading the short message over and over.

_Until we meet again, know you have me heart and I yours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life took over. Sorry for the delay.


	19. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go and then an epilogue.

Prison time dragged on for Aaron. He had learned from previous experiences to remain quiet yet assertive with the other inmates, or in other words, just be himself and people left him alone. He followed his orders and kept his nose clean. His work assignments were always done professionally and completed on time. He asked for more work to complete, anything to keep his mind occupied and way from thoughts of Topher and his life back home. Thoughts that always popped up during the eerie semi-quietness of the prison nights. The prison psych offered to give him sleeping medication; however, Aaron refused it. While he would love to sleep more, he didn't trust the others enough to be under the influence around them. And, thinking of Topher, albeit not always the best thoughts, made him feel closer to him. The time difference between Chicago, Illinois and Yorkshire, England made it impossible to sleep at the same time but Aaron liked to imagine them falling asleep together. A shared experience to have while kilometers apart.

His mother mailed him a letter from Topher after her last visit. Topher's cousin from the States had mailed it to Chas after Topher mailed it to his cousin, Mayra. From going back and forth, the letter had traveled over 6,500 kilometers and was a bit tattered from all the guards reading it; however, it was enough to let Aaron know that Topher was surviving. It spoke little of his family situation and Aaron could only imagine that it meant his parents were not supportive of their relationship. Whatever relationship they had from thousands of kilometers, multiple fences and numerous prison officers away.

During his work assignments, Aaron often let his mind drift and he thought about their reunion. How the smile on Topher's face would look (a smile so big that the corners of his eyes will wrinkle a bit) and how his soft lips would taste on his own. Aaron did not allow himself to daydream too long during work hours, but when he did, he made an effort to hide his own smile. Thoughts of Topher were a weakness and Aaron could not label himself a target in any way.

Given his model inmate status and a new confession from Robert, Aaron's sentence was lightened and he was allowed out five months ahead of schedule. Robert, who initially was angry with Aaron, had lied and tried to place blame on Aaron as well. Prison time and the lost of power had changed Robert's perspective on the incident. Robert told the authorities the whole truth and how he had basically blackmailed Aaron into helping him cover up the death. Robert's time was not increased; however, once Paddy heard about the change in confession, he had Aaron's solicitor file new paperwork to decrease his sentence. 

Once he was out, he settled back into the Woolpack and established himself with his parole officer and then immediately spoke with Cain about the possibility of his parole period allowing travel. Cain said it would likely take some time, but he was willing to find someone on the inside that owed someone a favor. In the mean time, Aaron was instructed to follow his parole conditions to the letter and keep his head down.

Topher had also been released; however, he was in a work-release program in a suburb of Chicago. Topher was still living in minimal security correctional facility; however, he was allowed release for work and he had more freedoms than in a typical correctional facility. Topher was able to send letters to Aaron without the guards reading through them (phone calls were limited to once per week and always monitored so he saved them for check-ins with his parents) and he began to talk about his family and his interactions with his parents. While his parents were not happy with Topher and his life decisions, Topher wrote that he was able to express his thoughts and feelings about his sister's death and his parents reactions to his sexuality. His parents did not respond back to his expression of feelings; however, they did sit and listen without interruption and Topher was happy to at least be heard for the time being. Topher wrote about the mental health care he was receiving, a requirement of his work-release program, and how he planned to be compliant with medication management even following his full release.

Topher wrote about his work experience as well. He was working for a plastics recycling company in Channahon, Illinois and taking college courses at night. Courses he hoped to continue following his release.

Aaron wrote back about all the happenings at the Woolpack and the scrapyard. His experiences with his parole officer and the college courses Topher inspired Aaron to attempt once again. He didn't write about the possibility of visiting Topher in the States. If, and when, the plan was finalized, then Aaron wanted to surprise him. With more time to daydream about the possibility without threat of appearing weak and a target, Aaron allowed many versions of the reunion to run through his head.

 

"Sorry I haven't been 'round lately," Aaron lowed himself down onto the warm ground and brushed away some dirt on the gravestone. It was mid July and there was fresh flowers on the grave that looked to be from Hazel. Hazel was still off traveling the world; however, she often rang Ashley to place flowers on the grave. "I have some exciting news. I knew it was a long shot so I wasn't allowing myself to be worked up about it, but I'm going to America. Cain knew someone who knew someone who knew someone or whatever, but he found a way from me to travel and be monitored in the States."

"I'm leaving in two weeks. I'm nervous. Chuffed but nervous. I've never been on a plane for that long. I've never been to America. I've never chased after a boy for so long...or so far." Aaron smiled and turned to lie on the ground and face the partly cloudy sky with his hands underneath his head. "An American boy stole me heart and brought it back to America. My mum is dead nervous too. You should hear her going on about how I'm going to end up back in prison if I go through with this and how she needs to chaperone me on the trip. Thank God for Paddy talking her down."

Aaron allowed the silence to fill the space around him and then started smiling again after a few minutes. "I miss you so much sometimes, but I think I found my match with him. You were too good for me. I know you are yelling the opposite at me right now or being cheeky and agreeing with me, but you know it is true. You made me better, but with him, maybe I can make meself better."

"I won't be gone forever. America might have me heart right now, but me soul belongs here." Closing his eyes and soaking up the quiet again, Aaron allowed his mind to still. Pushing away the worries about how it was going to work having their homes in different continents and their sentences yet to be finished, Aaron almost drifted off to sleep but woke feeling the sun intensify on his face.

Standing up, Aaron brushed off his clothes and sighed. "I'll be back before I leave. Promise."

 

The next two weeks flew by but also dragged as well. His mother and Paddy gave him a send off party, where many tears were shed. Aaron reassured them he would return, but they all knew that once Aaron was finally with Topher again, his plans might change. Aaron wrapped up his end of the business with Adam, with Adam reassuring him that the business would always be theirs together.

Aaron made contact with Mayra, Topher's cousin who helped them with their first letters, and was able to get the location of Topher's family home and the work-release program facility. Mayra said she wasn't sure, but she thought that Topher's time with the program was almost through. She also offered Aaron a place to stay with her and her husband in Chicago to allow for a permanent address in the States for parole purposes and a job at her husband's father's garage so Aaron could continue with the work requirement for his parole. Aaron was confused at first and then laughed at her pronunciation of the place. Aaron knew he was in for a culture shock but he was a ball of nervous, excitement as well.

The plane ride was long and he slept through most of it, given the fact he barely slept in the week leading up to his trip. Mayra meet him at O'Hare airport and surprised him with a long hug. Like her cousin, she was quite talkative and spoke throughout the long car ride through midday traffic to her house on the north side of Chicago. Also like her cousin, she didn't stop talking when Aaron began to drift off due to continued exhaustion.

"Our place is small but it has a great guest room for you. My parents use it when they are not off gallivanting around the world. They have been to Italy three times since we have moved here, but only our place once. Not that I mind though, it is nice to have a place to ourselves." Pushing the button for their small garage, Mayra zoomed into the tight spot and continued talking once Aaron squeezed himself out of the small opening between the garage wall and the car. Popping the trunk, Aaron grabbed his luggage and followed her out of the garage and up the sidewalk to the door. "Not that we mind you here. Gosh, it is just so darn romantic, isn't it?! Topher has his past and all that, but I always knew he would come out of it in the end. He was always the resilient one in the family. Gosh, after Devon died....well, anyway, this is the house." 

Looking around the small living area, Aaron nodded. His eyes were tired and his body felt knackered. "Where will I sleep?"

"Oh, you must be exhausted. Let me show you to your room and I promise I will leave you alone until you wake up from your travel coma." Mayra blushed and laughed at the same time. Leading Aaron up the small staircase, she turned left once on the second floor and opened the door to the guest room. "There are fresh sheets on the bed and new pillows. I put towels on the dresser there and....yeah, I will be downstairs if you need anything. My husband gets home around seven but I took the day off. We will eat around seven thirty if you wish to join us. Otherwise, I will leave you be. Make yourself at home."

"Thank you. I don't even know how I can thank you for this." Aaron paused letting everything consume him at once. If he wasn't so tired he would have been more embarrassed by her kindness and his continued needs. "I don't mean to bother you, but can you make sure I wake up tomorrow by ten? I have to meet with my parole officer at five and I need time to find where to go."

"Do you have an address?" Mayra waited for Aaron to dig through his pockets until he found the letter.

"Monroe Street?" Aaron tired eyes read the letter before handing it over. "Is it far?"

"It will take you probably a good hour with transportation. I'll teach you the subway system tomorrow. Or maybe a bus? Let me look into it and I'll find the best way. Oh, we will need to get you a CTA card!" Mayra rambled again until she saw the confused look in Aaron's red eyes. "Never mind all that now. You sleep and I will make sure you get to where you need to be tomorrow."

"Thank you again." Aaron smiled and then fell onto the bed. Even though it was a new bed in a new country, Aaron closed his eyes and was asleep within moments.

 

The next morning was spent phoning his mother and figuring out Chicago's transportation system. Mayra had given Aaron the best route to take but apologized that she could not accompany him due to work. Aaron made his way to his appointment on time, with only a minor directional error, and completed a pile of paperwork to allow him to complete his parole through monitoring from their office.

Aaron felt a bit overwhelmed by the whole downtown experience and was happy to see Mayra's husband home when he returned. Jeff, Mayra's husband, was a quiet man who worked on computers. He came from a long line of mechanics; however, the computer science behind cars fascinated him more than working on cars ever could and he veered a bit from family tradition with his job. While reserved, he also appeared as nice as Mayra and was very welcoming of Aaron into his home.

"Topher's mother texted Mayra this afternoon and said Topher had three more weeks for the work-release program. Afterwards, Topher is to move in with his parents and enroll in college. As long as he is a full time student, he does not need to continue working." Jeff offered Aaron a bottle of beer and sat down in a living room chair. Turning on the television, Jeff flipped until he found a baseball game. "Are you going to wait the three weeks?"

"I've waited this long, what is three more weeks?" Aaron sighed and sat back in his chair. "I still cannot believe I'm here. I think it will be good to settle in and get established before I see him. When do I start working?"

"My father said he will be able to train you next week but the place is too busy right now. He can talk to the parole place if he needs to, but next Monday will be your start date." Jeff looked over briefly but kept his eyes on the game. "They have baseball in England?"

"Yeah, just no one watches it. Football is our game." Aaron finished the American beer and made a face at the taste. "Your beer is different too."

"We call it soccer, right? I'm not really that big of a sports fan but my father made me pay attention to baseball." Jeff turned his focus to Aaron once the game went to commercial. "Your dad get you into football?"

"I guess. I played it when I was a kid. Everyone did." Aaron laughed at the commercial for some clothing store he never heard of. "How far away is Topher?"

"About 50 miles, I guess." Jeff laughed. "You changing your mind about waiting?"

"50 miles....how much time is that?" Aaron ignored the question.

"About an hour, maybe an hour and a half giving traffic and whatnot." Jeff's attention went back to the game. "He probably has some free time between work and going back inside."

"I was just curious." Aaron closed his eyes and felt sleep take him over again. "I can wait. I don't want to mess up his work."

"Okay man." Jeff laughed again when he saw Aaron had fallen asleep. "Lovesick Romeos."

 

Aaron started his job and everything went well. Whether in England or in the States, a mechanic's job is a mechanic's job. There were some differences he would have to get used to, but Jeff's father was pleased thus far with his work. Aaron had been learning his way around the town as well and was becoming an expert on using public transportation to get to and from his job.

The three weeks past before he knew it and Aaron finally asked Mayra what the plan was. Jeff had to stay late for his job and Mayra had made tea.

"He is moving back in his parents' tomorrow. He has been accepted to Loyola, a college here, but courses do not start until September. His parents plan on keeping a good eye on him, but I'm sure I could convince them to have a day with him." Mayra handed Aaron his dinner plate and walked herself to the table. "His parents live in the fancy part of Chicago when they are here. Given his situation right now, I'm sure they plan on staying put."

"When do you think they will let him see you? Will they come too?" Aaron ignored his food. "If they come, I can't be there. It's not going to work, is it?"

"Calm down there." Mayra patted Aaron's forearm and smiled at him. "Let's give him a day or two to settle and then I will tell Aunt Bev I need to see my cousin. She loves me and I can probably get him for the whole day unsupervised. I'll tell her I'm taking him to a museum or something. She will love that shit."

"Can it be the aquarium? I know how to get to the aquarium now." Aaron smiled, half-jokingly.

"It is a date!" Mayra smiled as Aaron blushed. "Have you guys ever had a date?"

"Um, not really. No." Aaron's blush deepened and he pushed around the food on his plate with his fork. "What day can we go?"

"Thursday?"

"Can you call her now?" Aaron's stomach was doing waves and he needed an answer before he could think of letting the topic go.

"Okay, you wore me down." Mayra took one last bite of her food and went into the other room to make the call.

 

Aaron cleared the day with Jeff's father, who knew his situation and as a romantic at heart, the next day. Topher's parents okay the time with Mayra and Aaron spent the next few days going through the motions.

On the day of, Aaron woke early and showered. He changed clothes three times before going back to the first shirt he tried on. Eating his breakfast quickly, he went through the plan with Mayra four times before he left to make his way to Shedd Aquarium. Arriving an hour early, Aaron made his way through the fish tanks twice before settling on a spot near the entrance.

He saw Topher from a distance and felt his heart both speed up and stop all at once. He looked good. He wasn't as thin as when he last saw him and his hair was longer, almost shoulder length. He was sure Mayra was next to him but all he saw was Topher.

Walking closer, Aaron paused two meters in front of him and waited for Topher to make the connection. Topher was looking around the room and walking closer. He continued to walk until he passed right by Aaron and Aaron panicked until he reminded himself Topher did not know to look for him.

"Hey Gopher!" Aaron called out to Topher's passing form and watched as Topher froze in place. He could hear the happy giggle of Mayra and then Topher turned around and everything went silent.

All of a sudden, he had Topher wrapped around him and they were both shaking. Aaron was happy to stay that way forever; however, Topher's hands on the back of his head pulled him back so they could look at one another. He looked gorgeous, even with tears in his eyes and his nose running slightly. 

"How are you here?!" Topher voice shook as his smiled. "Damn, you look fucking good! But how?"

"I've been here for a few weeks. Mayra helped me plan this. I'm completing my time here. Me uncle was able to..." Aaron was cut off by Topher's mouth and he sighed into the kiss. Feeling Topher's hands start to wander down his back, Aaron pulled him in closer and did not care if they were making a scene. Topher was in his arms and nothing else mattered.  


	20. Synchronicity

After few minutes, Mayra interrupted the couple to inform them she was leaving and hinted maybe they wanted to find somewhere a little less public to continue their reunion. She would meet up with them around five to bring Topher back to his parents' house and continue on as if she was with him the entire day.

Deciding on leaving the aquarium, the pair walked along the lake shore in silence to the park. Holding hands, Topher led the way by gently guiding Aaron in the right direction and choosing a spot under the shade of a tree.

With the city behind them and the lake off in the distance in front of them, Topher sat on the warm ground and pulled Aaron beside him. "You have been here for over three weeks and you just know tell me." Keeping their hands together, Topher rested them on his leg and snuggled in closer to Aaron. "I have been working on a book to send you. It is a head-trip living with my parents again. We are going to therapy together. Therapy with my parents...God be with the poor shrink paired with us. I cannot believe you are here." 

"I'm working for Jeff's father at the...garage." Aaron struggled on the last word to pronounce it the American way. "Do you know you spell tyres wrong here?"

"What?" Topher looked confused and then quickly changed the topic. "Are you staying with Mayra and Jeff?"

"I'm in their guest room. They are nice people. Mayra believes she is in the middle of a soap and helping two star-crossed lovers find their way together." Aaron smiled and then leaned over to kiss Topher. Enjoying the fact that he could kiss him, Aaron allowed the noise of the park and the faint sounds of the city to fade away as he deepened the kiss. Taking his hand away from Topher's, Aaron buried both of his hands in Topher's long hair and moaned into the kiss. Smiling as he felt Topher's hands wrap around his back and pull him closer, Aaron let all other thoughts fade away with the sounds around them.

Pulling away to breathe, Topher smiled and rested his forehead again Aaron's. "We need to go somewhere."

"It will take ages to get back to Mayra and Jeff's. Are your parents home? Could we go to yours?" Aaron allowed his breathing to return to normal as he continued to stroke Topher's hair and speak against Topher's lips. Not waiting for an answer, Aaron leaned in again and let his hands move down Topher's back to pull him in closer as he continued kissing him.

"Maybe." Topher spoke quickly between kisses. "Maybe could sneak you in. Máel might be there; he would help us."

Licking Topher's lip, Aaron pulled away before he lost all control. Standing quickly, he dragged Topher up with him and looked around the park. "Which way is yours?"

"It is north of here. We are close though." Topher laughed at Aaron's eagerness. "Keep it in your pants, would ya?"

"Shut up." Aaron pulled Topher along the path and hailed a taxi.

 

Máel was home and he informed Topher and Aaron that Topher's parents were out for the day visiting friends and were not expected back until dinner. After checking Aaron out, Máel, an elderly French man that had worked with the family for years, said to Topher, "Il est mignon."

"Merci beaucoup. Vous êtes beau pour un homme de votre âge ainsi." Aaron said in a poor accent. Smiling at Máel, Aaron pulled Topher randomly in the direction he thought the bedrooms might be.

"Should I be worried that Máel is your type too?" Topher laughed as he took the lead and moved Aaron toward his room. Shutting the door swiftly behind them, Topher pushed Aaron against the door and smiled. "I cannot believe you are here. I'm tore between just staring at you and ripping your clothes off."

"Stare later and take my clothes off now." Aaron wrapped his hands around Topher's hips but did not move to make them closer. Turning serious, Aaron paused. "I've been waiting for this for so long. There is so much we need to talk about and need to say."

"Take clothes off, talk, and then stare?" Topher stepped into Aaron's space and started kissing along his neck. Feeling Aaron's pulse under his lips, Topher took his silence as consent and pulled Aaron's shirt over his head before moving to take his own long sleeve shirt off.

Pausing, Topher stared straight into Aaron's eyes and waited for Aaron to notice the fresh cuts on his arms. It had been hard transitioning back to his old room with his parents and keeping the whispers out of his head. He was in therapy and taking his medication consistently; however, being back in his room and knowing his sister's room was right across the hall had thrown him back slightly in the process of making peace with himself.

After the confusion left Aaron, he looked down to Topher's arms and felt his heart break a little bit at the sight. Aaron traced the cuts on both of Topher's upper arms with his finger before leaning down and giving each arm a kiss. Topher's forearms were completely covered and he had continued the lines up along his triceps. Rising up, Aaron wrapped Topher in a hug and allowed their body to stand near each other skin to skin.

"I tried." Topher began but couldn't finish his words before he felt the tears forming in his eyes. Burying his face into Aaron's neck, he repeated. "I tried."

Feeling his own tears forming, Aaron ran his hand through Topher's hair and waited for him to pull back. When he did, Aaron gave him a gentle kiss and moved them toward the bed.

The urgency to rush into sex had left them both and they lazily kissed in between removing articles of clothing. Finally lying back on the bed, they both kissed and touched each other until the urgency built back up. Quickening their movements against each other, Topher moved in between Aaron's legs and moaned at the change in position.

"I don't have anything." Topher kissed along Aaron's neck and down his chest, enjoying the taste of his skin against his lips.

"Me either." Aaron closed his eyes as Topher took in a nipple. Guiding Topher's mouth back up to his own, he wrapped his legs around Topher's calves and increased his hold on Topher's upper arms. "Like this?"

"Wait, I might have something to help us along." Topher kept his lower body connected to Aaron and reached beside his bed. Digging around in his drawer, Topher smiled when he found some lotion. Putting a generous amount on his hand, Topher moved back and wrapped his hand around them both.

"That helps." Aaron closed his eyes and pushed his head against the bed as his lower body rose up to meet Topher's hand. It had been so long since he had been this close to someone and he felt himself getting closer.

Continuing his hand movement, Topher leaned down to kiss along Aaron's neck and face until he found his lips again. He was close and wanted to take in this moment for forever. Feeling Aaron's body increasing his movement underneath him and hearing his increased breathing, Topher's body tensed and he breathed into Aaron's mouth as he released.

After taking a minute, Topher focused on moving his hand along Aaron and kissed him deep until he felt Aaron release against him as well. 

Aaron allowed his legs to relax against the bed and felt Topher relax against him as Topher buried his head into Aaron's neck and slowed his breathing. Brushing down Topher's hair with his hand, Aaron kissed the side of Topher's head and worked on slowing his own breath.

"I could fall asleep right here." Topher moved impossibility closer to Aaron as he mumbled against his neck. Ignoring the sweat and fluids between them, Topher almost did drift off to sleep until he heard a knock at his door. "Shit."

Reluctantly moving away from Aaron, Topher went to the door and opened it slightly. "Máel, you better have a damn good reason for knocking."

"Your parents are home, smartass." Máel knew Topher meant no disrespect with his words and continued in the banner they had developed over the years. "Should I have them come to your room?"

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Topher closed the door and walked into the connected bathroom in three steps. Coming out with a washcloth, Topher threw it to Aaron as he moved to dress himself. "I guess you are going to meet my parents today."

After he was clean, Aaron started dressing himself as well. "Maybe it is a good thing? Get it right out there."

"Maybe." Topher returned the washcloth to the bathroom and fixed his hair in the mirror. Feeling Aaron behind him, Topher sighed as he leaned back against him.

"It will be good." Aaron kissed the back of Topher's neck and then rested his head against Topher's back as he tightened his grip around his waist. "Positive energy. Positive thoughts."

Turning, Topher took Aaron's hand and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Positive thoughts."

 

Topher's parents were sitting on the terrace, his father reading his phone and his mother blankly looking out at the view of the city. Both of his parents did not turn to look at them as they approached and startled as Topher cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Mother. Father." Topher squeezed Aaron's hand and took a breath. Waiting until he had their full attention, Topher continued. "This is Aaron."

Both looked to their combined hands and then narrowed in on Aaron.

"Hello." Aaron nodded his head to them both and waited. Feeling as if he was on display, Aaron squeezed Topher's hand back and briefly looked over to him.

"He is from England. Emmerdale really. He...I stayed with him while I was there." Topher felt his confidence coming back as he spoke. "He helped keep me safe more than once. He is living here now. With Mayra and Jeff. He works for Jeff's father. We are together. I love him."

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Topher's mother asked with little expression.

"That would be amazing." Aaron smiled and received a small smile in return from Topher's mother.

"We meet before at the pub I believe. Your mother and you both gave me a dirty look. My name is Beverly." Motioning to her husband, Beverly gave his name as he gave Aaron a glance up and down and then returned his attention to his phone. "My husband, Nathan."

"It is nice to meet you both. Or meet you again, I suppose." Aaron nodded again to them both and looked again to Topher. He appeared frozen in place and confused. "We should text Mayra and tell her to not come back."

"Yes. Yes, I'll do that now." Topher stepped backward forgetting he still had Aaron's hand and then dropped it quickly upon realization. Grabbing it again, Topher asked, "Come with me."

"Oh course." Aaron followed Topher into the living room and would have laughed at Topher blankly staring at his phone as if he did not understand how to work it if the situation was different. "Would you like me to help with that?"

"I almost wanted them to yell or something. Being quiet and distant is so....irritating." Topher handed the phone to Aaron and sat on the couch. Leaning back, Topher ran his hands through his hair and laughed. "They invited you to dinner?"

After texting Mayra, Aaron sat down next to Topher and pressed the side of his body against Topher's. "This is good. Sharing food is a time honored bonding ritual."

"They invited you for dinner?" Topher said again in disbelief. Feeling his phone buzz, Topher read the responding message from Mayra and laughed. "She is planning our wedding. She said she needs to be the maid of honor for one of us given her role in our reunion and help today."

"Adam already claimed his spot next to me in our wedding so I guess she is all ours." Aaron smiled over to Topher before kissing his cheek and leaning his head against his shoulder. "What do you think is for dinner? I'm ravished." 

 

The dinner was filled with awkwardness and overall silence; however, everyone remained civil with each other and soon the meal was done. Topher walked Aaron downstairs to the road in silence and hugged him tight once they reached the private condo entrance.

"I don't want you to leave." Topher spoke against Aaron's shoulder. "Stay with me. They won't even notice."

"My parole officer has my address as Mayra's and they could do a random check at any time." Aaron kissed Topher's neck and pulled away. "I'm right at Mayra and Jeff's. You can come visit any time."

"You are being way too rational about this." Topher gave a fake pout and stepped back into a hug. "Maybe I could stay with you then?"

"I think your probation officer or whatever you have would be upset about that. Isn't a condition of your...." Aaron was interrupted by Topher's tongue entering his mouth. Kissing him back, Aaron slow down the kiss and allowed them both to enjoy the moment.

"I hate this." Topher leaned his head against Aaron's briefly after ending the kiss. Standing up straight, Topher took a deep breath and smiled. "We can get through this. Right?"

"Right." Aaron smiled in return. "We still need to talk. What are your plans on Saturday?"

"I was going to go shopping for clothes for class." Topher gave a small jump as an idea hit him. "Meet me and help me decide. Then we can do lunch and make a day of it!"

"It is a date. Meet at the park?" Aaron asked as his smile increased at Topher's genuine excitement. Aaron couldn't remember a day where he had smiled more and his cheeks hurt from the unusual use.

"Screw that. I will have Máel drive us around." Topher kissed Aaron again and then one more time. "We will pick you up at ten on Saturday at Mayra and Jeff's. Tell her she is not allowed on our date."

"She will be heartbroken but I will make sure it is just you and me. And a hot old Frenchman." Aaron laughed as he turned to walk away. "This is going to be good. Positive thoughts."

"It will. Now go home so I can call you." Topher smiled as Aaron walked away. He waited until he could no longer see Aaron's form before going back upstairs. This could work. Positive thoughts.

 

The pair meet on Saturday and had a long awaited talk over lunch. It was decided they would continue on with the arraignment as it was until both were fully cleared from the legal system. Afterward, they would decide where they were to live and the direction their relationship would go. For now, both were content to stay in one spot and get to know each other more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to follow.


	21. Epilogue

"I don't understand how people live here!" Chas threw her bag down on the sofa before sitting herself. Her and Paddy had just arrived by taxi. "The noise is maddening, the traffic is exhausting and there are people literally everywhere. Are you sure you don't want to come home with us, Love?"

"It takes some getting used to, but I still have time for my monitoring and Topher has classes." Aaron leaned against the kitchen table and looked around his small apartment he shared with Topher. "I have grown to like it here. I've never really had something of my own."

"Don't worry about the poor mule with the luggage." Paddy walked in with a red face and multiple bags attached to him. "I almost had a heart attack but as long as you are resting, all is well."

"Sorry, Paddy. Should have know Mum would bring half the village with her." Aaron jumped up to help with the bags and motioned for Paddy to have a seat once he was free. "Care for a brew?"

"If it is the tea I sent you, than yes. Otherwise, I'm fine." Chas turned up her nose. "You should have tasted the stuff they sold as tea at the airport."

"We have many bags left from your many care packages." Aaron called from the nearby kitchen area. "Paddy, the same?"

"Yes, please give a drink to a dying man." Paddy pressed against his chest and shot Chas a dirty look when she laughed and made a comment about his age.

Handing over the tea to his mother and Paddy, Aaron pulled out one of the two kitchen chairs and blew on his own tea. "Topher was gutted he had class this afternoon. He will be home soon for dinner though. We planned on taking you out on the town, if you old people are up for it?"

"Who you calling old, young man?" Chas threw a sofa pillow at Aaron and laughed as he caught it with one hand. Looking around the room, which served as the dining room and living room, Chas smiled. "I see Topher decorated?"

"What gave it away?" Aaron laughed taking a sip.

"There are pictures on the walls and pillows on the sofa." Paddy answered for her. Most of the red color had left his face and he smirked at Aaron's faked shocked expression. "Let's face it Aaron, you are not the most...decorative gay man."

"I will have you know that I picked out that very furniture you are sitting on, this here table and chairs and I bought towels for the bathroom." Aaron looked down at his cup and mumbled. "And Topher picked out all the rest."

"Care to give us a tour?" Chas stood and kicked the heels off her swollen feet. "I might need to buy new shoes here. These are killing me after that long plane ride. Anyway, get on with it!"

Aaron waited for Paddy to stand as well and then showed them their apartment. "The bathroom is across from the bedroom."

Opening the door, Aaron raised his hand to show the standard toilet, sink and shower. "It is small but it gets the job done, as Topher says."

Hitting Paddy's arm when he started to uncontrollably laugh at the sexual innuendo of the innocent statement, Aaron told him to 'shut it.' ****

Stepping back, Aaron opened the hall closet door and showed them the towels he bought and the rest of the linens and toiletries stored there.

Sliding around them both, he walked back the short distance to open their bedroom door.

"I made sure to clean it before you came." Aaron stepped back all the way into the room so his mother and Paddy could enter as well. The room had a large window over one side of the bed, a queen bed with a basic blue cover, a closet built into the wall and a small nightstand next to the bed.

Noticing his mum and Paddy staring at the photo above the bed, Aaron blushed and began chewing on the side of his thumb. "Topher's friend took it for a class and then gave it to us as a present."

"It is gorgeous." Chas turned from the large canvased photo to give a reluctant Aaron a kiss on the cheek. The photo showed her son and Topher smiling at each other with their foreheads touching and the sun setting over the lake in the background. Both men appeared relaxed and in their own world together.

"It is a good picture." Paddy smiled at Aaron's uneasiness, the lad never did like attention.

"Anyway, let me show you the last stop: The kitchen." Aaron pushed back the pair and brought them into the kitchen area.

"Where will we stay then?" Chas asked as she took her spot back on the sofa after refreshing her drink in the kitchen.

"We figured you both could stay in ours and we would sleep out here. Topher has an air mattress that fits in here nicely." Aaron rubbed the back of his neck as he watched their reactions. "I mean, you used to sleep in the same bed all the time so we figured....and there really isn't room for separates...unless you want..."

"I'm fine with it as long as she stays on her side of the bed and shares the covers." Paddy teased as Chas narrowed her eyes at him.

"If I remember correctly, it was you that had the problem with sharing."

"Topher will be back soon. Do either of you want to freshen up before he arrives?" Aaron interpreted to distract them from a petty fight. "We will take the 'L' into town." 

"The what?" Chas and Paddy asked at the same time, both with confused looks on their faces.

"The train. The restaurant is about 45 minutes away from here. We will take the 'L' and walk a bit to get there." Aaron wanted to take them to the restaurant Topher and him at their first proper date at.

 

Topher arrived somewhat later and rushed through the door, dropping his backpack down quickly, to give both Chas and Paddy long hugs each.

"I'm so happy you are here! He won't admit it but he is so homesick." Topher gave each one another quick hug. "A visit from family is just what he needed."

Walking over to Aaron, Topher smiled and kissed him. "Hi."

"Hi." Aaron blushed and brushed down a few flyaway hairs on Topher's head. After growing it long, Topher decided to cut it all off one day and it was just now growing back again. "We are starving so get ready."

"Ay Ay Matey!" Topher sassed as he kissed Aaron again, this time a little longer and with a bit more force, to keep the cute blush on his face before picking up his backpack and going to change in the bedroom.

Seeing his mum with tears in her eyes and her hands pressed to her mouth, Aaron rolled his eyes and went to follow Topher.

 

"How to you know which one goes what direction?" Chas exclaimed loudly from the train platform. "I could have easily walked up the steps on the other side. Why isn't there a sign?"

"I don't know. Maybe you just learn?" Aaron leaned in closer to Topher, who was standing with his arm looped at the elbow around Aaron's arm, and attempted to ignore the looks from the others around them. He had been in the city for sometime and he hated looking like a tourist again.

"What way will it come from then?" Paddy looked around with a large CTA map in his hands, looking every bit the lost tourist.

"We are north, here at Bryn Mawr station. The train will come from the north and take us south to the city." Topher used his free arm to point down the tracks in the directions as he spoke. "It will stay above ground and then bring us underground before we get off. You will love it."

"Oi! Look, here is comes!" Chas shouted as she spotted the train heading their way from a distance. 

Aaron buried his head into Topher's neck in embarrassment. He couldn't take them anywhere without causing a scene. 

Walking into the train, Topher warned them to find a seat before the train started moving. As the train took off, Chas started snapping pictures with her phone of the view and of her son and his boyfriend.

 

"It got dark. Kinda like an amusement park ride, isn't it?" Paddy laughed looking out the train windows as the train descended underground into the subway system.

 

"This is our stop." Topher warned before the train was at the station to give them time to prepare to move. "Once it stops, get up and follow us."

As the doors shut behind them, Chas laughed. "That was fun. Different than the trains in the UK.  Where to now?"

"Up the stairs and then we need to walk down the block a bit." Topher reattached himself to Aaron's arm and both of them led the way.

On the way to the restaurant, Aaron kept looking behind them to make sure his mother hadn't wandered off again. She was loving the city now and wanted to take a million pictures along the way. 

"Mum, we will do the proper site seeing thing tomorrow. Can we just get to the restaurant?" Aaron spoke over his shoulder as they stopped for the tenth time since getting off the subway.

"She is excited." Topher nudged Aaron with the elbow of the arm attached to Aaron's arm. "Let her soak it all in."

"I'm hungry!" Aaron exclaimed once his mother and Paddy began to follow them again.

 

After balking at the prices on the menu, Chas quieted down once she learned that Topher and Aaron were treating them. "You don't have to bring us to such fancy places. We are happy with an American burger joint or something like that, really."

"Let the lads treat us." Paddy shushed Chas as he looked over the fine selection of steaks.

 

After their dinner arrived, Paddy asked what their plans were for the future. "You both seem to be in really good spots right now. Aaron said you both are nearing the end of your monitoring and plan on continuing with counseling services."

"I have a few more years for my degree and I want to finish at the same college I'm at." Topher spoke between bites of his steak. "Aaron took some classes here too."

"That is exciting! What in?" Chas beamed at Aaron and Topher. She loved hearing all the good news and success her son was having after the tough times he had endured. She never could have imagined the life Aaron had made for himself in the States. 

"Just some courses with mechanics." Aaron shot Topher a quick look and kicked him not-so-gently under the table.

"Liar. He took a photography course." Topher ignored the second kick his words earned him and continued. "He won't show me his pictures though but Maddie, the girl who took the photo above our bed, said he has some promising talent."

"Our Aaron, the photographer?" Chas smiled bright and looked to Paddy. "Did you know he was taking photos?"

"No." Paddy shook his head and continued to enjoy his rare tenderloin. "I only get a couple grunts when I ring him." 

"I so hate you right now." Aaron shook his head and glared at Topher. He didn't plan on showing them to anyone. He took the course to fill up the evenings during last semester when Topher had a course that kept him late. He didn't expect to enjoy it but it was the only class offered at the same time as Topher's that he was remotely interested in and was able to attend without a prerequisite. "It is nothing, really."

"What? Maybe you should have showed me the photos and then I wouldn't have to resort to telling mommy and daddy to get a reaction." Topher teased some more as ran his hand up and down Aaron's arm. Noticing how tense he was, Topher stopped his hand on top of Aaron's and squeezed it. "Hey, I'm only teasing."

"Just drop it, okay?" Aaron pulled back his arm and focused all his attention on finishing his food. The rest of the table ignored his mood and Chas asked how Topher's parents were adjusting to their relationship.

 

"I'm sorry. I was only joking earlier. I just think it is cute that you won't show them to anyone. Did you even turn them into the professor?" Topher curled up behind Aaron on the air mattress and waited for the mattress to adjust to both of their weights. The four had returned home and decided to retire for the night, all four exhausted from their days. 

"No." Aaron turned so he was facing Topher, making the mattress bounce once again. Running his hand down Topher's waist, he reached for Topher's hand and squeezed it. "I think we should tell them."

"Really?" Topher grinned and kissed Aaron's nose. After kissing his forehead and both cheeks, he found Aaron's lips and kissed him deep. Pulling Aaron down on top of him, Topher broke the kiss with a huge grin on his face. "You sure you are ready? They might get upset that they were not there."

Nodding his head slightly, Aaron had to smile at the joy on Topher's face. Giving him a gentle kiss, Aaron laid his head on Topher's chest and hugged him close. "And then we could tell your parents. It might ruin this understanding they have developed with us though."

"I love you." Topher smoothed Aaron's hair and squeezed him tight.

"And I you." Aaron curled more into Topher's chest and allowed the peaceful feeling to move over him. Wrapped in his husband's arms, Aaron felt as if he had won a battle with himself and the universe. A long battle that ended in happiness and acceptance. A battle he knew he would never have to face again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. : )


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